Dude Where's My Longsword: D20 Concequences for Carousing

 Dude where’s my longsword:

D20 consequences of partying too hard

Give your players the consequences of their actions, and they will love you for it

 

Hello there my lovelies,

I was once told by a wise friend that the point of life is the stories you can tell from it.  From my own experience, some of the very best stories are from nights out where copious amounts of booze is drunk, and when poor decisions are made.  It doesn't matter if you made a tit of yourself (as long as you didn't insult or hurt anyone in the process), what matters is that it is a good story to tell to a different group of friends five years later. 

I know this all seems like terrible life advice but bear with me.  During my time both playing and DMing TTRPGs I have also noticed that there are always some players who insist on their characters getting as drunk as possible, as often as possible.  I have also noticed that once or twice a campaign the party goes on the mother of all benders. As a DM it is within my gift to give them a memorable story to recount, and thus the table of  Dude Where's My Longsword was born.

Dude Where's My Longsword should be used sparingly.  It should only be used when the party, drinks harder and longer than normal.  It is for when they decide to crack open that bottle of goblin moonshine they picked up 5 dungeons ago.  It is when the celebrations (or commiserations) spill out of the tavern and across the city.  It is when the party has survived a series of high-stakes sessions and they finally want to blow off some steam.

The drug shark happened in my own campaign.  Merryment and grovelling to powerful criminal enterprises were needed.

Therefore, just for you dear lovely reader I present the outrageous consequences of carousing that just goes that hard.

Dude where’s my longsword Roll a D20 on this table whenever your party drinks too hard and too long.  In nearly every case the drinkers have no memory of what happened the night before.
Roll	Outcome
1	Marriage Each drinker should make a saving roll (probably something like wisdom) Anyone who fails got married last night, potentially to each other. It is probably a good idea to seek an annulment ASAP
2	The Drug Shark One or more of the drinkers wake up riding the corpse of a great white shark.  It is wearing a party hat. The shark is FULL of highly illegal narcotics The owner wants their drugs back and is currently scouring the area to find the culprits.
3	Vomit Golem There were so many people and so much drink, and food, and then more drink and probably more food after that.  It got out of hand, people began being sick and somehow the vomit became something more: THE VOMIT GOLEM It's tough and hits hard It stinks and everyone close to it is distracted by its stench. Those struck by it take extra acid-based damage It is extremely vulnerable to antacids or alkalis.
4	The Hairless Bear One or more of the drinkers wake up in a cave.   Also in the cave is a sleeping cave bear, however, it has been shaved completely. The drinker has a sack of bear hair next to them and a pair of shears. It is probably a good time to leave, quietly.
5	The Transcendent Headache One or more of the drinker's hangover transcends space and time in a moment of skull-splitting despair their mind becomes one with the fabric of the universe gifting them with telekentic powers. They gain a telekinetic magehand that can be used at will. However to maintain this power they can never, ever, get drunk again. Additionally, they will always have a slight headache.
6	The Vision Quest One or more of the drinkers got so drunk they peered into the spirit realm. Upon waking up and hungover they will meet their spirit guide (probably a cute and annoying small animal). The spirit guide will be able to answer one question about the world truthfully (though it may not know everything)
7	Inside The Lamp The drinkers get so drunk that they wake up outside of a palace in a desert.  Inside the palace is the Djinn of the lamp of which both Djinn and drinkers are now stuck inside. The only way to break out is to find and defeat the sealing magic that holds them in.  Unfortunately, this won't be easy as it is a giant sandworm.
8	The Existential Cleanup The partying got so out of hand last night that the drinkers (and other partygoers) have trashed the entire town/city. The local law enforcement has arrived with carts and pitchforks.  The drinkers will clean up the area or face prison.
9	Forbidden Literature Last night one of the drinkers did a bad thing.  They just can’t remember what. Surely it has nothing to do with the dread ritual to summon an eldrich horror, from this strange book written in blood and bound in human skin.
10	Stolen Grace One or more of your drinkers wake up in the morning with a large holy symbol in the room next to them.  They clearly should not have it and have clearly stolen it during their drunken antics. Returning it could be fine.  Many religions are the forgiving type.  Others would rather burn you and let their god decide.
11	Mysterious Livestock One more of your drinkers awake surrounded by a small herd of livestock animals (something like sheep or goats). It is not clear where they came from, but what is obvious now is that they are somehow attached to that drinker. They will follow them wherever they travel.  Generally beat, moo or cluck a lot, making plenty of noise. They are also useless in combat, as being herd animals they are consummate cowards.
12	Incredible Journey One or more of your drinkers awake in an unfamiliar area with no idea how they got there. When they finally get their bearings it is clear that the drinker is going to have a real hard time getting back to where they were.  They are either somewhere dangerous to exit or in a far-off wilderness.  Sucks to be them.
13	OMG we’re in Azkaban The drinkers awake in a prison.  Possibly a supermax prison. It is not clear how they got there, and the guards are not helping with answers. There is a very real possibility they did something very naughty on a drunken rampage, or equally, an enemy saw it as an opportunity to frame them. Either way, it seems like the only way out is a prison break!
14	Serial Victim In their drunken state, the drinkers were abducted by a deranged killer.  They now awake deep in their dungeon, which is full of traps and other deranged killers. The killer has probably taken all their equipment too!
15	It thinks you are its mother! One or more of the drinkers awakes next to an apex predator that appears to be staring intently at them.  It is a juvenile of the species and it seems to be very fond of that character, perhaps thinking they might be its mother. Which is great and all, you end up with a ferocious pet.  However, its parents may well be looking for it and will probably deal with whoever abducted their offspring in short and brutal order. A few ideas of what the juvenile could be: An owl bear, a lion, a displacer beast, a troll or even a flail snail.
16	Fargo A very simple one.  Something VERY bad happened last night. All the drinkers awake next to a dead body, whom no one can identify.   Next to the body is a HUGE pile of money. People might be looking for that.
17	Yes, You Joined A Cult One or more of the drinkers are excitedly shaken awake by someone in robes.  They are told it is the time of their becoming (or whatever nonsense). It appears last night they were inducted into a cult. If they are lucky it will be the nice type of cult with weirdos and weird sex stuff.  If they are unlucky it will be the bad type of cult with weirdos, weird sex stuff and blood sacrifice.
18	Hangover of Legend The drinker's antics last night have become the stuff of legend.  They will never be forgotten by the townspeople, who will probably hold a celebration each year in memory of that one fateful night. The party will enjoy a free drink every time they visit this place.
19	In Costume One or more (probably all) of the drinkers awake to find themselves in costume.  They appear to be dressed up as some sacred or endangered animal. On closer inspection, it seems that they are also wearing the furs or skins of the creature. Not the best look, if the locals/druids/elves/conservationists find out.
20	Hair of the Dog Upon waking up the drinkers find there are unfinshied beverages around them.  If they choose to continue drinking their body will be effectively sterilised of all unpleasantness. They will be immune to disease and poison until the next rest.