A Pantheon Presented Plainly

A Premade Pantheon Presented Plainly

All gods know ladies cannot resist a sexy swan

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I present to you a pantheon of gods. These gods are the standard gods I have in most settings. The topic of gods in mythology and fiction is a subject you could write a PhD on, so I shall try and keep this post concise and focused. I will describe my philosophy, as to how to design and use gods in a setting as well as an overview of how religion should integrate into any crafted world.

The Tea-Sets Theology List

1. The gods are distant beings. They rarely directly interact with the world. Their followers bring change in the world; they do not.
2. There should always be something unsettling or uncanny about them. They may be worshipped by millions of beings but should always be something that puts you at slight unease when you delve into them more deeply.
3. Their domain (what they are a god of) is rarely intuitive. If their nature can be summarized neatly in one sentence, then there are hidden aspects to the god that require further explanation.
4. Direct communication with them should almost never happen, maybe at most only a handful of times in a grand campaign. This should only happen in moments of the direst need (to heighten drama), or only in the most sacred of places.
5. There should always be followers who are zealots. That takes their beliefs beyond the reasonable, to the extreme. Violence and cruelty are done too often in the name of religion.
6. The gods are rarely malevolent, but also not entirely benign.
7. The vast majority of people in our world claim some form of religious belief. This should be the same in any other world.
8. Settlements should nearly always have some place of worship, be it a cathedral, temple, or shrine.
9. Reward devotion; it doesn't have to be a big reward. A splash of holy water here, or a one-time bonus to a roll there. Roleplay of a devoted follower should pay dividends.

Aresstus
Dominion: Freedom and Revolution
Appearance: A series of interlocking rings constantly revolving. Upon each ring are a multitude of eyes. Each eye is restless, looking and observing.
About: Aresstus demands freedom for freedom’s sake alone. As a result of this, Aresstus is the patron of the oppressed, imprisoned, and enslaved. The followers of Aresstus often act with moral certainty that their actions are for the good. The darker flip side to this god is the spirit of pure anarchy and rabid individual sovereignty that it inspires in its most zealous followers. All government is a form of oppression, in the eyes of its followers. All authority figures are corrupt, and all institutions are rotten to the core, and therefore they must all be taken down and destroyed. Aresstian anarchists constantly foment unrest in all civilizations in a holy crusade to bring to an end all forms of rule. So that peoples of all kinds may stand as equals in the utopia of noble savages that only Jean-Jacques Rousseau could dream of.

Batt
Dominion: Change and Catharsis
Appearance: Batt appears as a colossal floating black pyramid. On one face is a great unblinking eye that carefully surveys all that it sees. A hundred thousand black tentacles from its base grasp and reshape anything within reach.
About: Batt never communicates in any meaningful way. Batt is the representation of change and entropy. Batt does not favour any outcome over any other, it just desires that the status quo is overthrown. Very few people worship Batt directly, they do not need to as change is a constant in life. However, Batt is also the bringer of catharsis. Those who have lived through turbulent times in their life are said to receive its blessings. The clarity of thought that comes with overcoming personal upheaval.

The Grave Warden
Dominion: Peace in death
Appearance: The Grave Warden takes the form of a heavily robed human, with an oversized hood large enough to hide all of The Grave Warden’s features. A single large brass bell is extending from the sleeve of one of The Grave Warden’s voluminous sleeves. The Grave Warden will ring this regularly to call the dead to its side.
About: The ignorant call The Grave Warden the god of death, or the god of the dead. The Grave Warden is invoked to protect the dead in their eternal rest. The symbol of the brass bell is found throughout graveyards, tombs, and mausoleums. Undeath is abhorrent to The Grave Warden. To interfere with the ultimate fate of a living being is to defile it.

Ling-Gol
Dominion: Ambition, Architecture, and Obsession
Appearance: Ling-Gol is usually depicted as a city with a grand cathedral at its heart. Upon this cathedral is an unblinking, ever-searching eye.
About: Ling-Gol is the god of the academic and craftsman and is otherwise known as the Infinite City because worship of it inspires complexity of thought beyond rational bounds. Ling-Gol’s followers strive to achieve great things, but the obsessiveness it inspires in its followers can become all-consuming for the most zealous. Yes, Ling-Gol’s acolytes do create great things, but often at the cost of their minds, or family and friends.

Lumina
Dominion: The sun, Wisdom, and Healing
Appearance: Lumina takes two forms. First as that of the sun. The second is that of a golden-haired woman with an irrepressible smile. Usually depicted in traditional dress or mirror-like armour.
About: Lumina is the most accessible of all the gods. Her appearance and creed is clear and understandable. Therefore Lumina is not just the goddess of the sun but also civilization itself, as the sun gives life to the land, to the crops and respite to the weary. Her worshippers are largely charitable and seek to better themselves through good deeds and words. However, her most zealous followers are often struck blind by staring too long into her glory. She is beautiful and kind, but she is also smothering and all-encompassing.

Nyla
Dominion: Lies and Pain
Appearance: Nyla takes one of two forms. The first is that of the moon, the second is that of an old matronly woman, white of hair and sad of smile.
About: Nyla has two sides to her. One is a being that revels in the shadow of human nature, the manipulations, the lies, and the cruelties. The other side of her is someone who understands the pain people do to each other, and the damage lies inflict. She offers understanding and soothing from this suffering. For the few of those who do worship her, they consider her the most human of all the gods.

Orchidnidus
Dominion: The duality of nature
Appearance: She takes the appearance of a giant blossoming flower or that of a young woman with vines for hair. She is heavily pregnant, and her hands are covered in blood. One hand rests upon her belly, the other carries the decapitated head of a foe.
About: Also known as the Red and Green Woman. Orchidnidus is the goddess of nature, who revels in the stark truth of the natural world. She represents the duality of nature, one side that creates and fosters life, and the other side which is about brutal, pitiless survival. Orchidnidus creates life, but she also destroys it; such is the cycle of nature.

Verus
Dominion: Bureaucracy and Law
Appearance: Verus takes the image of a great green obelisk covered with all the laws of all nations. Verus also occasionally takes the form of a jade-green animated statue. He wields books and scrolls as great weapons of war.
About: Verus is sometimes referred to as the god of complexity or thought of as a sadistic god, as nothing is more labyrinthine or as frustrating as dealing with the processes and vagaries of institutions. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Verus loves and understands humanity in a way that perhaps only Nyla can appreciate. Systems and laws exist only abstractly, and this fascinates him. His followers seek to create the perfect system, a streamlined and frictionless organization. Perhaps it is more precise to call Verus the god of efficiency.

Conclusion

Crafting a pantheon of gods is an excellent way to really stamp your personality onto the setting, both the gods and the relgions following them wil add flavor and depth to your world. Use my gods or my guildlines as you like,or steal as you want. Just remember, keep them distant, keep them a bit weird, and make thier followers sometimes VERY dangerous.

Much Love,
The Civil Tea-Set

Dude Where's My Longsword: D20 Concequences for Carousing

 Dude where’s my longsword:

D20 consequences of partying too hard

Give your players the consequences of their actions, and they will love you for it

 

Hello there my lovelies,

I was once told by a wise friend that the point of life is the stories you can tell from it.  From my own experience, some of the very best stories are from nights out where copious amounts of booze is drunk, and when poor decisions are made.  It doesn't matter if you made a tit of yourself (as long as you didn't insult or hurt anyone in the process), what matters is that it is a good story to tell to a different group of friends five years later. 

I know this all seems like terrible life advice but bear with me.  During my time both playing and DMing TTRPGs I have also noticed that there are always some players who insist on their characters getting as drunk as possible, as often as possible.  I have also noticed that once or twice a campaign the party goes on the mother of all benders. As a DM it is within my gift to give them a memorable story to recount, and thus the table of  Dude Where's My Longsword was born.

Dude Where's My Longsword should be used sparingly.  It should only be used when the party, drinks harder and longer than normal.  It is for when they decide to crack open that bottle of goblin moonshine they picked up 5 dungeons ago.  It is when the celebrations (or commiserations) spill out of the tavern and across the city.  It is when the party has survived a series of high-stakes sessions and they finally want to blow off some steam.

The drug shark happened in my own campaign.  Merryment and grovelling to powerful criminal enterprises were needed.

Therefore, just for you dear lovely reader I present the outrageous consequences of carousing that just goes that hard.

Dude where’s my longsword Roll a D20 on this table whenever your party drinks too hard and too long.  In nearly every case the drinkers have no memory of what happened the night before.
Roll	Outcome
1	Marriage Each drinker should make a saving roll (probably something like wisdom) Anyone who fails got married last night, potentially to each other. It is probably a good idea to seek an annulment ASAP
2	The Drug Shark One or more of the drinkers wake up riding the corpse of a great white shark.  It is wearing a party hat. The shark is FULL of highly illegal narcotics The owner wants their drugs back and is currently scouring the area to find the culprits.
3	Vomit Golem There were so many people and so much drink, and food, and then more drink and probably more food after that.  It got out of hand, people began being sick and somehow the vomit became something more: THE VOMIT GOLEM It's tough and hits hard It stinks and everyone close to it is distracted by its stench. Those struck by it take extra acid-based damage It is extremely vulnerable to antacids or alkalis.
4	The Hairless Bear One or more of the drinkers wake up in a cave.   Also in the cave is a sleeping cave bear, however, it has been shaved completely. The drinker has a sack of bear hair next to them and a pair of shears. It is probably a good time to leave, quietly.
5	The Transcendent Headache One or more of the drinker's hangover transcends space and time in a moment of skull-splitting despair their mind becomes one with the fabric of the universe gifting them with telekentic powers. They gain a telekinetic magehand that can be used at will. However to maintain this power they can never, ever, get drunk again. Additionally, they will always have a slight headache.
6	The Vision Quest One or more of the drinkers got so drunk they peered into the spirit realm. Upon waking up and hungover they will meet their spirit guide (probably a cute and annoying small animal). The spirit guide will be able to answer one question about the world truthfully (though it may not know everything)
7	Inside The Lamp The drinkers get so drunk that they wake up outside of a palace in a desert.  Inside the palace is the Djinn of the lamp of which both Djinn and drinkers are now stuck inside. The only way to break out is to find and defeat the sealing magic that holds them in.  Unfortunately, this won't be easy as it is a giant sandworm.
8	The Existential Cleanup The partying got so out of hand last night that the drinkers (and other partygoers) have trashed the entire town/city. The local law enforcement has arrived with carts and pitchforks.  The drinkers will clean up the area or face prison.
9	Forbidden Literature Last night one of the drinkers did a bad thing.  They just can’t remember what. Surely it has nothing to do with the dread ritual to summon an eldrich horror, from this strange book written in blood and bound in human skin.
10	Stolen Grace One or more of your drinkers wake up in the morning with a large holy symbol in the room next to them.  They clearly should not have it and have clearly stolen it during their drunken antics. Returning it could be fine.  Many religions are the forgiving type.  Others would rather burn you and let their god decide.
11	Mysterious Livestock One more of your drinkers awake surrounded by a small herd of livestock animals (something like sheep or goats). It is not clear where they came from, but what is obvious now is that they are somehow attached to that drinker. They will follow them wherever they travel.  Generally beat, moo or cluck a lot, making plenty of noise. They are also useless in combat, as being herd animals they are consummate cowards.
12	Incredible Journey One or more of your drinkers awake in an unfamiliar area with no idea how they got there. When they finally get their bearings it is clear that the drinker is going to have a real hard time getting back to where they were.  They are either somewhere dangerous to exit or in a far-off wilderness.  Sucks to be them.
13	OMG we’re in Azkaban The drinkers awake in a prison.  Possibly a supermax prison. It is not clear how they got there, and the guards are not helping with answers. There is a very real possibility they did something very naughty on a drunken rampage, or equally, an enemy saw it as an opportunity to frame them. Either way, it seems like the only way out is a prison break!
14	Serial Victim In their drunken state, the drinkers were abducted by a deranged killer.  They now awake deep in their dungeon, which is full of traps and other deranged killers. The killer has probably taken all their equipment too!
15	It thinks you are its mother! One or more of the drinkers awakes next to an apex predator that appears to be staring intently at them.  It is a juvenile of the species and it seems to be very fond of that character, perhaps thinking they might be its mother. Which is great and all, you end up with a ferocious pet.  However, its parents may well be looking for it and will probably deal with whoever abducted their offspring in short and brutal order. A few ideas of what the juvenile could be: An owl bear, a lion, a displacer beast, a troll or even a flail snail.
16	Fargo A very simple one.  Something VERY bad happened last night. All the drinkers awake next to a dead body, whom no one can identify.   Next to the body is a HUGE pile of money. People might be looking for that.
17	Yes, You Joined A Cult One or more of the drinkers are excitedly shaken awake by someone in robes.  They are told it is the time of their becoming (or whatever nonsense). It appears last night they were inducted into a cult. If they are lucky it will be the nice type of cult with weirdos and weird sex stuff.  If they are unlucky it will be the bad type of cult with weirdos, weird sex stuff and blood sacrifice.
18	Hangover of Legend The drinker's antics last night have become the stuff of legend.  They will never be forgotten by the townspeople, who will probably hold a celebration each year in memory of that one fateful night. The party will enjoy a free drink every time they visit this place.
19	In Costume One or more (probably all) of the drinkers awake to find themselves in costume.  They appear to be dressed up as some sacred or endangered animal. On closer inspection, it seems that they are also wearing the furs or skins of the creature. Not the best look, if the locals/druids/elves/conservationists find out.
20	Hair of the Dog Upon waking up the drinkers find there are unfinshied beverages around them.  If they choose to continue drinking their body will be effectively sterilised of all unpleasantness. They will be immune to disease and poison until the next rest.

Evil Cult Generator

Since Halloween is coming up here is a moderately creepy generator to create an evil cult in your game.  This generator assumes they are evil beyond reproach and they will probably show you no mercy.  So show them none in return.

Build A Cult (This is specifically about evil cults)
What do they Wear?
roll	Clothing	Accessory
1	Very standard cultist robes, you know the sort.	Creepy masks. Cultists love creepy masks.
2	Leather strapping and other extremely figure-hugging leather clothing. It is all very Hellraiser.	A small broach. One could even miss it if you weren't paying attention.
3	No specific dress code but every piece of clothing the cultists have are exactly the same colour.	Tattoos.
4	Nothing, they are weirdo nudists.	Deliberate disfigurement.
5	Rags and scraps, they look like they have collected their clothing for a refuse pile.	Mutation, probably involving tentacles.
6	Nothing. They wear perfectly normal everyday clothing.	Adorned in bones. Skulls for shoulder pads, and chest plates made out of femurs that sort of thing.
7	Skins and hides (possibly human).	Heavy body modification. This goes beyond having your eyebrow pieced.
8	A very idiosyncratic uniform. Think communist China.	Holy artefact. They carry with them at all times a holy artefact. This could be a symbol or even a sacred weapon.
9	Extreme decadence. The clothes they were are designed to titillate and strategically expose the flesh to get the pulse racing.	Weird flamboyant hats.
10	Puritanical dress-code, no fun here. You need to be wearing the exact shade of charcoal grey.	Covered in pustules and sores. It looks and smells disgusting but they seem to love it.
Who do they sacrifice and how?
roll	Who	how
1	Anyone they can get their hands on. There is no discrimination here. They are progressive like that.	Cutting out their hearts with a ritual dagger.
2	Virgins.	Exsanguination!
3	Babies/children.	Burning probably on a pyre or in a volcano.
4	Specific race.	Feeding to a great beast at the bottom of a great pit.
5	Followers of a particular religion	Something stupidly elaborate.
6	Magic-users	Ritual torture.
What do they want?
Roll	What are these weirdos up to?
1	They just want to do weird creepy shit in peace. If it wasn't for the prodigious amounts of human sacrifices going on no one would care really.
2	They want to summon something awful into this world. It might kill them, eat them, or even drive them mad, but they seem fine with that outcome.
3	They want to establish a domain where they rule and spread the world of their belief. It probably wouldn't be a nice place to live.
4	They want to overthrow the established order. It is not clear if they have a plan for what to do next.
5	Wipeout X peoples. Maybe they are racists or just hate magic users. Non the less they are set on the total destruction of a particular group of people in this world.
6	Fulfil a prophecy. Somewhere in pages of the books, they rant about is a strange prophecy that has them all worked up! Let us hope you're not involved in it.
7	Bathe in the blood of their enemies. This might be literal.
8	Domination and enslavement of all”
9	Omnicide. They want to kill just everyone apart from themselves. Then maybe themselves.
10	The utter and total destruction of existence itself.
Does weird sex stuff go down in the cult?
roll	outcome
1 to 8	Yes.
9 to 10	No.
Just what is it they worship?
roll	The object of their obsession
1	A person (They may be alive, dead or even undead).
2	A power eldritch being.
3	An object (for example a weapon, obelisk, artefact, statue or even a body part).
4	A philosophy or ideology.
5	A place (it could be an area, a ruin or even a country).
6	Writings or scripture.
What makes them so unique?
roll	Quirk
1	They all same the same thing at the same time like some kind of hive-mind.
2	They are just overly nice. To the point, it is cloying and uncomfortable. Even when they are killing you they are strangely happy about it.
3	They are all to an individual utterly and hopelessly insane.
4	They are devious and have been spending years infiltrating governments and other powerful organisations.
5	They are tolerated by the state for some reason. Probably because they keep the true depths of their evil hidden. People find them creepy nonetheless.
6	They are powerful enough to rule over a region.
7	They bring with them dread beasts, not of this world.
8	They also serve in undeath. When they die they will be raised as an undead creatures befitting of the station they achieved in the cult in life.
9	They wiled dreadful cursed weapons.
10	Their leader is a powerful non-human entity.