Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I bring five very naughty artefacts you can use within your campaign. I have used them all in various campaigns, and each has produced what can only be described as entertaining results.

The common thread of these items is that they can be used and abused. Either by the party to mess with the DM, or by the DM to mess with the party.

Please Enjoy.

The Puzzle Box Of Horrible Helping
Appearance:	It has the appearance of a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. Intricate and gothic in design. The box can be manipulated through twists, pulls and pushes. It can be transformed into a new configuration that will open it up and reveal what is inside.
Description:	The puzzle box can be opened after a successful intelligence check (at moderate difficulty). It will take one minute of manipulation to do this. Upon being opened, a great and terrible eldritch abomination will burst forth, overwrought with tentacles, eyes and teeth. It is a pretty horrifying sight, to be honest! The eldritch abomination will follow the command of its master but will only do one of the following: One hour of physical labour One hour of administrative work 30 minutes of entertainment (singing, poetry, tap dancing) The eldritch abomination will not follow orders that do not fall into the above categories, and it certainly won’t fight. However, it will certainly kill anything that attempts to interfere with its given commands.

The Shiv Of Shivving
Appearance:	The shiv looks like a homemade knife. A shoddily put-together blade wrapped in cloth and secured by twine.
Description:	The shiv counts as a dagger to attack and damage. After a successful attack with the shiv of shivving, the wielder must make a wisdom check, or a save vs. magic (whichever you feel is more appropriate). If they fail, they gain an additional attack that round, which they MUST use immediately. The wielder must make a tally at the beginning of each session to see how many times they fail the save for the shiv of shivving. They should then refer to the table below: Times Shiv test failed Result 1 Must say the word "cut" at least once per 10 minutes. The character is not aware of this. 2-3 The character must say the word "cut" at least once per conversation. They now think cutting things is a pretty cool hobby. 4-5 The character must now say the word "cut" once per sentence. They will start cutting things. 6+ The character can be found muttering “cut, cut, cut” all the time; it is starting to get creepy. At the start of any combat, they must make a save vs. magic or attack the nearest person. After a good night's sleep, the wielder wakes up and comes to their senses.

The Endless Moonshine Bottle Of Terrible Truth
Appearance:	A non-descript glass bottle that has seen better days. Any labelling it once had has long ago peeled off.
Description:	If anyone willingly drinks from the bottle, a disembodied voice from the bottle begins to speak. It will reveal one secret about the drinker to all in earshot. This secret it reveals must be something that the drinker would find embarrassing, upsetting, or would endanger them. Since they drink it willingly, no saving throw is allowed. Oh, and the moonshine in it is endless and gets you really, really drunk.

The Ring of Protection (and Paranoia)
Appearance:	The ring has the appearance of a fashionable antique silver ring. It is decorated in a Gothic style and has a large single ruby set in the middle. Very nice, and very expensive!
Description:	The ring grants the wearer +1 AC, and this stacks with any other AC bonus. However, every morning the wearer must make a save versus magic or suffer from paranoia. They then roll on the table below: Roll Outcome 1 When you eat, it seems your rations have got smaller. Some greedy bastard is eating your food! 2 An item on your person (it might be a beloved weapon or something sentimental) has been stolen and replaced. The replacement is pretty shoddy, and you can go into detail proving that it is not the same thing that you had yesterday. 3 A member of your party has been replaced, probably by a doppelganger or powerful magic user. You cannot let them know you know, but you need to find a way to get them to confess! 4 Your gold bag is light. Much lighter! Someone has nicked your loot! It could be sneaky goblins, or it could be that party member who just bought themselves something new and fancy! 5 Someone has been following you. It might be more than one person; it could be a whole gang. You are not sure why they want you, but one thing is for sure, you won’t go down without a fight! 6 They want your ring. They know it is precious, very precious. You won’t let them take it; you would rather strangle them first!

Miniature Wardrobe Of Holding
Appearance:	The wardrobe looks just like an intricate wardrobe from a dollhouse. It stands no taller than the length of a human hand. It is made with incredible skill and polished finely.
Description:	The miniature wardrobe of holding works in a similar way to a bag of holding. The interior of the wardrobe is as large as a full-sized luxury wardrobe. The exterior, as already stated, is no larger than a human hand. So getting things in and out of it is a bit tricky!

Thank you for your time!

Much Love,

The Civil Tea-Set

D20 Rarebooks found in Lost Places

Please enjoy a few of the random books I have at hand to throw at my party.

Rare books found in lost places
1	A technical guide to intoxication through kingdom fungi (by Plagueface esq.): A thick tome written in a conspiratorial manner about identifying various types of mushrooms to make hallucinogenic potions and poisons.  If you use this tome as a reference book: +1  when identifying fungus. +1 when making potions and poisons out of mushrooms.
2	Fractal Mosaics (by Prof. R.K. Dunshlem): What could be a dry exploration of mosaic design, is elevated  to greater heights through the author's beautiful prose and exploration of the relationship between art and culture.  If you use this tome as a reference book: +1 when studying architecture.
3	Backdoor Wenches (volume 9): A smutty picture picture book depicting humans in various forms of copulation.
4	The Epic of Yorm (Unknown Author): This is an ancient poem (by the editor's standards). It was passed down through oral tradition and has now been codified into text. The poem is about a great hero who slays a number of increasingly dangerous monsters only to be undone by his own hubris.
5	A nincompoops guide to summoning (by Georg the Marvellous): An arcane text that describes in a very condescending manner about how to effectively summon creatures from other planes. The author talks about how easy the process actually is and describes in depth about how other “lesser” mages screwed up the summoning and died horribly. Gains a Summon spell
6	Jombaha! (by Arclight Press): A pop arcane book. Designed to get the masses more enraged with arcane studies and rituals. It is a collection of presumably real life stories when rituals went horribly wrong, resulting in death, destruction and occasionally hilarity.
7	Victory through Atrocity (by Ral): Contains a foreword that describes how this is a controversial work by a controversial historical figure. It describes the use of war crimes as a way of controlling populations, it details which forms of oppression tend to have the desired effect. Gruesome reading.
8	A field guide to dinosaurs (by J. Hammond): A lavishly detailed book with field sketches of many different dinosaur species. Great coffee table book to impress your friends.
9	Getting spiritual about spirits (by Gruru Kosh): This book is a thinly disguised guide on how to not only build but distill almost anything into alcohol. The author rambles on about spirituality and all kinds of dross. Great for making Molotov! Gain the blueprint for making a still.
10	Skirmisher's Delight (T.E. Blaskovitiz): A treaties of advanced tactics for the initial engagements at the eve of a battle. Once per day you may roll initiative with advantage.
11	Esoteric Curatives (H. Tharsson): An exciting tome where the author describes his travels through numerous, tribes and other “outsider” groups and the healing methods they use. In places, this becomes a polemic where the author decries the decadence of the modern world.  If used as a reference book: Gain +1 to brewing healing potions.
12	The Discerning Farmer's Guide (F. Giles): A highly accessible book written for the layman to understand and implement various farming techniques.
13	The Kraken Stirs (Anon): A philosophical dialogue. Discusses the importance of maintaining social roles and the sanctity of the social contract between lord and subject. If one were to read between the lines you might think the author is telling you how to tear down society.
14	Applied Accountancy: It is an accountancy text book. Useful but boring.
15	Monsters and Metallurgy (I. Sternfist): This book provides an in-depth technical discussion on the various processes of alloy production. It also describes which metals will have deadly effects on certain types of creatures. Contains blueprints for: Alloy production Metal Tubing Wiring Ingots
16	Rationalised Evil (A history of the cult of Ordination) (by Shocking Histories): An engaging narrative of the history of the Cult of Ordination. A group that both worships the mythological being called The Ordinator and embrace the philosophy of the end justifies the means at all costs.
17	Extra-Dimensional Topology (Yuler): A dense work about an incredibly niche subject area that has limited real world application. You think it discusses how Mathematical geometries might shift in other dimensions? Grants a +1 to summoning bonus.
18	Making Acids for Fun (Anon): A subversive book for budding alchemists. Has numerous warnings that some reactions can be extremely exothermic! Gains blueprints for ACIDS!
19	Exotic Weaponry (H. Mauly): A nerdy book that enthusiastically describes the production of and use of many strange and fairly alien weapon types: Gains blueprints for: Chain Sword War fan Tiger Claws
20	A Beginners Guide to Sewing: Actually this book is nothing of the sort. It is a hidden treaties on the use and development of your own skill in Necromancy! Contains 1 random necromancy spell.

Cowbells and Tent Pegs

The Tent Peg of Luxurious Glamping:

This is a single large steel tent peg that is richly decorated with runic symbols.  Pretty Fancy for a tent peg right?

It can be used as a weapon in a pinch.  Deals 1D4 damage and is otherwise considered to be a dagger. 

If it hammered into the ground (any form of the ground), a great tent bursts into being with the tent peg at the front right corner.  The Tent that appears is large enough to sleep a part of 6 quite comfortably and hold many more guests. and has a luxurious interior that is very welcoming to any tired traveler.    The Tent will also adapt itself to the climate it is in to ensure the right kind of insulation or ventilation as required. 

The interior of the tent is as follows: 

• Has a small cooking area.  This has a fire pit with a pile of firewood next to it to keep the fire burning for up to 8 hours.  This will need to be refilled manually. When this tent peg is removed the woodpile will remain within the tend.
• There are 6 beds that are partitioned off into separate sleeping areas.
• There is a seating area with beautifully crafted cushions upon which to rest.  Next to these are low-laying tables.
• There is also room for 20 inventory slots worth of storage.  When the tent peg is removed these remain inside the tent.  Anything not intended to be stored or is over this limit will be left on the ground.
• There is also room for 5 more pieces of "furniture".  This could include a recliner or even an alchemist's table.

When removed from the ground the tent is instantly un-summon disappearing into the ether.  Anyone inside the tent simply finds themselves in the space it once occupied.

The Root of All Evil:

The root of all evil is it is known by so many that have fallen foul to its trickery.  It is an oversized gold coin, it maintains an incredible luster and it is clear even to the most ignorant that this coin is worth LOADSAMONEY.

If the Root of All Evil is ever used as collateral in any wager or bet the losing party is ALWAYS convinced that they have been cheated or swindled somehow.  There is no level of reasoning or logic that will convince them otherwise.  This also applies to anyone who knows the properties of The Root of All Evil.  Even though they know the malign properties of the coin they will rationalise that how this time it would not have affected them and they actually have been cheated out of their prize.

People will react how you would expect if they were cheated out of money.

The Cowbell of The Milkmaid:

The Cowbell of The Milkmaid appears as an ornate cowbell upon which a beautiful red ribbon is tied in a bow.

Once per day the cowbell can be rung, this will summon the great Herd of Heffers.  The herd will appear somewhere in the vicinity making it through all obstacles seemingly unhindered in 1D6 turns.  As the Herd of Heffers approaches the ringer will hear the mooing of cows and the ringing of bells.

The Herd of Heffers comprises of 4 x 1D10 cows.  The herd is guarded by a single Minotaur who is unusually large and buff.  The minotaur will look on impassively and will not otherwise interact with anyone.

The party may milk the cows to produce magical milk.  This milk has healing properties.  They may not produce more than one pint of milk per cow.  The minotaur is cool with this.

If anyone harms the cows in any way the minotaur will fly into a berzerker rage and attack without mercy.  Remember this is a particularly large and buff minotaur so it could probably take the party.

After the cows have been milked the minotaur will huff gruffly and the herd will carry on its journey eventually dissapearing.  They cannot be tracked under any circumstances.

Alternative Rule:

Ringing the cowbell opens a portal to the Cow Level

The Tea Set of Civility

 

Good day most lovely reader.

Why not start off with my namesake.  The Tea-Set of Civility is an artefact of considerable power.  It was commissioned by some Littlefinger type who was fed up of having his devious plots ruined by stab happy nobles killing each other at his dinner parties.  A good conspiracy requires time and conversation, so if the people at your tea party are too busy murdering each other how can you effectively manipulate them?

The rules of The Tea-Set of Civility are quite simple.  When you are holding a formal tea party with guests the arcane aura of the tea set makes it impossible for you to be violent towards other guests.  You may hate the dude at the other end of the table with an all-consuming passion, they may have murdered your parents and left you with a tragic back story, or they may have even killed your dog.  No matter what you do you cannot raise a fist, sword, poison or even a cheese twist against them.  However, you can plot and scheme to your heart's content.

No one is quite sure how the tea-set does this but its power always works and no one has found a workaround yet.  However, there is a caveat.  Gatecrashers and other non-guests do not enjoy the same protection.  So going near one of these tea parties is a VERY DANGEROUS endeavour.

This makes the tea-set highly abusable.

The Tea-Set of Civility is a highly sought after artefact by monarchs, diplomats and inquisitors alike. Therefore it fetches a highly inflated price compared to other artefacts of similar power.