Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I bring five very naughty artefacts you can use within your campaign. I have used them all in various campaigns, and each has produced what can only be described as entertaining results.

The common thread of these items is that they can be used and abused. Either by the party to mess with the DM, or by the DM to mess with the party.

Please Enjoy.

The Puzzle Box Of Horrible Helping
Appearance:	It has the appearance of a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. Intricate and gothic in design. The box can be manipulated through twists, pulls and pushes. It can be transformed into a new configuration that will open it up and reveal what is inside.
Description:	The puzzle box can be opened after a successful intelligence check (at moderate difficulty). It will take one minute of manipulation to do this. Upon being opened, a great and terrible eldritch abomination will burst forth, overwrought with tentacles, eyes and teeth. It is a pretty horrifying sight, to be honest! The eldritch abomination will follow the command of its master but will only do one of the following: One hour of physical labour One hour of administrative work 30 minutes of entertainment (singing, poetry, tap dancing) The eldritch abomination will not follow orders that do not fall into the above categories, and it certainly won’t fight. However, it will certainly kill anything that attempts to interfere with its given commands.

The Shiv Of Shivving
Appearance:	The shiv looks like a homemade knife. A shoddily put-together blade wrapped in cloth and secured by twine.
Description:	The shiv counts as a dagger to attack and damage. After a successful attack with the shiv of shivving, the wielder must make a wisdom check, or a save vs. magic (whichever you feel is more appropriate). If they fail, they gain an additional attack that round, which they MUST use immediately. The wielder must make a tally at the beginning of each session to see how many times they fail the save for the shiv of shivving. They should then refer to the table below: Times Shiv test failed Result 1 Must say the word "cut" at least once per 10 minutes. The character is not aware of this. 2-3 The character must say the word "cut" at least once per conversation. They now think cutting things is a pretty cool hobby. 4-5 The character must now say the word "cut" once per sentence. They will start cutting things. 6+ The character can be found muttering “cut, cut, cut” all the time; it is starting to get creepy. At the start of any combat, they must make a save vs. magic or attack the nearest person. After a good night's sleep, the wielder wakes up and comes to their senses.

The Endless Moonshine Bottle Of Terrible Truth
Appearance:	A non-descript glass bottle that has seen better days. Any labelling it once had has long ago peeled off.
Description:	If anyone willingly drinks from the bottle, a disembodied voice from the bottle begins to speak. It will reveal one secret about the drinker to all in earshot. This secret it reveals must be something that the drinker would find embarrassing, upsetting, or would endanger them. Since they drink it willingly, no saving throw is allowed. Oh, and the moonshine in it is endless and gets you really, really drunk.

The Ring of Protection (and Paranoia)
Appearance:	The ring has the appearance of a fashionable antique silver ring. It is decorated in a Gothic style and has a large single ruby set in the middle. Very nice, and very expensive!
Description:	The ring grants the wearer +1 AC, and this stacks with any other AC bonus. However, every morning the wearer must make a save versus magic or suffer from paranoia. They then roll on the table below: Roll Outcome 1 When you eat, it seems your rations have got smaller. Some greedy bastard is eating your food! 2 An item on your person (it might be a beloved weapon or something sentimental) has been stolen and replaced. The replacement is pretty shoddy, and you can go into detail proving that it is not the same thing that you had yesterday. 3 A member of your party has been replaced, probably by a doppelganger or powerful magic user. You cannot let them know you know, but you need to find a way to get them to confess! 4 Your gold bag is light. Much lighter! Someone has nicked your loot! It could be sneaky goblins, or it could be that party member who just bought themselves something new and fancy! 5 Someone has been following you. It might be more than one person; it could be a whole gang. You are not sure why they want you, but one thing is for sure, you won’t go down without a fight! 6 They want your ring. They know it is precious, very precious. You won’t let them take it; you would rather strangle them first!

Miniature Wardrobe Of Holding
Appearance:	The wardrobe looks just like an intricate wardrobe from a dollhouse. It stands no taller than the length of a human hand. It is made with incredible skill and polished finely.
Description:	The miniature wardrobe of holding works in a similar way to a bag of holding. The interior of the wardrobe is as large as a full-sized luxury wardrobe. The exterior, as already stated, is no larger than a human hand. So getting things in and out of it is a bit tricky!

Thank you for your time!

Much Love,

The Civil Tea-Set

Read Harder Nerd: Or how I made books the most sought after items in my settings

READ HARDER NERD:

Or How I Made Books the Most Sought-After Items in My Settings

Introduction

Hello there my Lovelies!

I have found that in both TTRPGs and computer games, books are often overlooked. Games like Skyrim and its legendary tale of The Lusty Argonian Maid really do go the extra mile to include content, but sadly, there is still not a lot of incentive to read the books outside of your own curiosity. The roguelike Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead (CDDA) makes books really valuable, as they reflect their real-world property.

They teach you things, but you must read them first.

In the real world, books impart information. Humans can learn things without direct experience through books. We use books as a store of memories that are external to our minds. This is why people tend to put such high value on literacy; it is why we balk at the idea of book burnings.

In the games I run, books are highly sought after by the party as they can learn things from them.

The Mechanic

A book will take X days to read, and at the end of this time, the character will learn something. This usually manifests as a very specific bonus to very specific rolls.

Reading days are ticked off by downtime activities or choosing to read during a rest, with each rest counting as one day's worth of reading.

Example Book	Details
Name:	Urgle Gurgle on Sushi
Author:	Urgle Gurgle (Esq.)
Reading time:	5 days
Rarity:	Uncommon
Description:	Written in beautiful poetic prose, this seminal sushi cookery book has been translated from the original Merlock tongue into 27 different languages.
Result on reading:	+1 on any roll related to making or knowing about sushi.

That is the basic outline, but we can expand on it.

How Should Books Be Designed?

• Any bonuses they grant should be highly specific.
• If a book affects a basic skill or stat, it should be very rare or extraordinarily expensive.
• The more general or useful the bonus it grants, the rarer and more expensive the book.
• Give it a fun name and name the author. This adds flavor to the book.

Other Potential Book Bonuses

• Blueprints or instructions on how to build something. Once read, the player is considered proficient (or at least familiar) with the process of making that item.
• Reading the book grants a flash of inspiration. This grants the player a one-time powerful bonus for a limited amount of time.
• FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE! Hidden lore that unveils secrets or may reveal the location of powerful artifacts.

The outcome of this is that my players are highly motivated to find books, and they find them very exciting, often saying “Oh I only have 3 more days left on this book and I can do X”.

Below is my library of most of the books I have made from different campaigns. I intend to add to this in time, so I may make a persistent link to it.

The Tea Set’s Library

Title	Author	Description
Urist and Ragnar the Collected Series	Reading Pick Press	A collection of Key Stage 1 reading books for Dwarven children, contains the following stories amongst others: - Urist and Ragnar go on an adventure - Urist and Ragnar rescue a princess - Urist and Ragnar escape the princess - Urist and Ragnar think princesses are too much trouble Common, (20 days for a learning reader, requires an assistant. Will raise one's reading age to that of a 10-year-old)
Urist and Ragnar the Continuing Adventures	Reading Pick Press	A collection of Key Stage 2 reading books for Dwarven children, contains the following stories amongst others: - Urist and Ragnar go on a quest - Urist and Ragnar and the dragon’s horde - Urist and Ragnar invest in the family business - Urist and Ragnar commit minor fraud - Urist and Ragnar go on another quest to make up for the money they lost Common, (15 days. Will raise one's reading age to that of a 13-year-old)
On Xibalba	Memet the Immortal	A large book discussing the nature of hell. It covers a theory suggesting that hell is part of our plane of existence, and all that you must do to reach it is to just dig too deep. Rare (12 days, Grants +1 on rolls regarding the history, geography, and theories around hell)
Tempo of Battle	General Agnew	A famous war diary of the great General Agnew. Closer inspection of the book reveals deep insights into battlefield tactics. Riveting stuff! Uncommon, (10 days. Grants a once per session ability to re-roll initiative)
Limited Divinity	Rector Nunya	A radical, perhaps heretical text. It proposes a system whereby every 500 years the gods give up their divinity and pass on their title to a chosen mortal. The author suggests this would reduce societal stagnation and boost innovation. Rare, (5 days, Grants +1 to rolls involving theological debates. If found to be in possession of this book, there may be consequences)
Trees	Eion Farstrider	A beautifully illustrated book of field sketches and observations of a myriad of tree species. Accessible yet detailed, the perfect coffee table book. Common, (7 days, grants +1 rolls identifying trees and knowledge about them)
Ix: The Eternal City	Reggie Summersmile	Written by the bestselling halfling travel writer Reggie Summersmile. This tome has a detailed description of what used to be the world's largest city, and capital of the Lurentian Empire. The city Ix. Contains maps! Common, (5 days, +1 to all rolls navigating or knowledge about the city of Ix)
Peace... Eventually	Walter Grondyke III	A professional historical review of the last 500 years of the western human kingdoms. Their centuries of endless warring and eventual peace brought about the great concord of Uribeck. Uncommon, (12 days, +1 to all rolls about the history of the human kingdoms)
Fomor: The Vile Beastman	T.H. Yarnly	This tome is essentially an anthropological study of the races of beastmen that inhabit the world. Written years before the war. Warning, contains graphic descriptions of brutality and torture. Rare, (9 days, +1 on all rolls involving knowledge of beastman behavior and culture)
How to Make Friends and Decapitate Your Enemies	W.S. Cam	A purported self-help manual. People will love you, all you need to do is threaten them with an axe. Common, (3 days, Grants a once-ever +4 bonus on the next social interaction roll you make)
Smith Like a Dwarf	Lulgrim Steeltoe	Learn to smith like a dwarf, grow a beard, hammer red hot metal. Chicks will dig you! Common, (8 days, +1 on rolls for blacksmithing)
The Nyxian Chronicles	Thrain Stoneheart	An ancient tome that narrates the history of the subterranean Nyxian Ocean, with details on trade, navigation, and folklore. Common, (7 days, +1 on rolls about locations and cultures of the Nyxian Ocean)
Tooth and Claw: A Bestiary of the Deep Paths	Grom Ironfoot	A compendium of underground creatures, including information on their habitats, behaviors, and weaknesses. Lots of pretty pictures. Uncommon, (5 days, +1 on rolls to identify creatures of the deep paths, and recall information about them)
A History of a Bearded People	Balin Basaltchin	A grand if sometimes embellished history of the Dwarven folk. Common, (6 days, +1 on rolls involving dwarven history)
Nautical Maps of the Nyxian Ocean	Karak Lomores Nautical Commission	A collection of maps and charts detailing routes, navigation, and forgotten locations in the Nyxian Ocean. Uncommon, (1 day, may show hidden locations)
The Luminous Hymns	The Lumic See	A hymnbook containing the most holy hymns dedicated to the Goddess Lumina, the grand matriarch of the pantheon. Uncommon, (2 days)
Mysteries of the Abyss	Durgan Onyxfoot	A collection of folktales of horrific creatures that stalk the deep paths and other horrors. Mostly tosh, good fun read though. Uncommon, (4 days)
Voices from the Deep Paths	Arlia Moonshimmer	A compilation of traditional dwarven ballads and drinking songs, as well as songs from other races who traveled the deep paths. Collected by an elven anthropologist. Common, (3 days)
Recipes from the Deep	Lira Stoneear	Written in a brisk cheerfulness not often associated with dwarves, this is a legendary book that adorns the bookshelf of any self-respecting dwarven household. Common, (5 days, +1 to any roll for cooking using subterranean ingredients.)
A Technical Guide to Intoxication through the Kingdom Fungi	Plagueface esq.	A thick tome written in a conspiratorial manner about identifying various types of mushrooms to make hallucinogenic potions and poisons. Rare, (6 days, +1 to rolls identifying fungi and their uses)
Fractal Mosaics	Prof. R.K. Dunshelm	What would be a dry exploration of mosaic design and technique is lifted to greater heights by the author's beautiful prose and exploration of the relationship between art and culture. Rare, (10 days, +1 on critiquing and understanding art)
Backdoor Wenches (Volume 9)	Funhouse	A smutty picture book depicting all races in various forms of copulation. Rare, (1 day)
The Epic of Yorm	Unknown Author	This is an ancient poem (by the editor's standards). It was passed down through oral tradition and has now been codified into text. The poem is about a great hero who slays several increasingly dangerous monsters only undone by his own hubris. Common, (4 days)
Jombaha!	Archmage Press	A pop-arcane book. Designed to get the masses more enraged with arcane studies and rituals. It is a collection of presumably real-life stories when rituals went horribly wrong, resulting in death, destruction, and occasionally hilarity. Uncommon, (5 days, +1 on any roll to do with avoiding ritual blowback)
Leviathan Stirs	Anon	A philosophical dialogue. Discusses the importance of maintaining social roles and the sanctity of the social contract between lord and subject. If one were to read between the lines you might think the author is telling you how to tear down society. Rare, (6 days)
Applied Accountancy	Professor Boringson	It is an accountancy textbook. Useful but boring. Rare, (10 days. Must pass an INT or Wisdom check to read, as it's DULL. When rolling for any accountancy-based topic, roll with advantage.)
Poisons for Responsible Adults	Archie McStabberson	A very responsible book about how to make poisons to kill various pests, like insects, birds, rats, and other people. Very Rare, (8 days, +1 to rolls crafting and identifying poison)
Extra-Dimensional Topology	Yuler	A dense work about an incredibly niche subject area that has limited real-world application. You think it discusses how mathematical geometries might shift in other dimensions. Very Rare, (12 days, requires INT check to ensure you understand what the book is about. Gains +1 to rolls identifying magic, if you can cast you also gain an additional spell)
Build a Buddy	Unknown	A handwritten and unique tome that describes the very expensive process of building a golem. Construction time requires 30 days per HD. Stupidly Rare, (12 days, requires INT check. Allows for construction of a golem)
Cat of the West	R. Heartly	Famous Novel. It's not about a cat, it’s allegorical. Common, (5 days)
Mending Nature	Clipclop Bristlechin	Druidic tome on the corruption of the natural world and recognizing it. Uncommon, (7 days, +1 to rolls identifying corruption in nature)
Understanding Semaphore	Imperial Navy Publishing House	Describes standard semaphore, a language involving flag use on maritime vessels. Uncommon, (12 days, Learns the language Semaphore)
Weather Watcher’s Guide	Imperial Navy Publishing House	Reference book on weather forecasting. Uncommon, (7 days, +1 to rolls to forecast the weather, can only forecast the weather up 24 hours in advance, not always accurate)
Gorlian’s Insights	Gorlian the Wise	Philosophical musings on phenomenology. It is mind-expanding stuff. Rare, (7 days, requires an INT or WIS roll to read, as it is DEEP. Grants a one-time re-roll on any one failed roll)
Suffer the Weak	G. T. Hateful	Autobiography of Gashnik the Hateful, orc pirate. Grim reading. Common, (5 days)
Roshambo	A. Smee	A player's guide to a favorite pirate game, where men take turns kicking each other in the balls. Very Rare, (1 day reading time, you always get the first go in a game of Roshambo)

I hope you have found this post useful. Untill then, much love

The Civil Tea Set

Fishsweeper (or how to make a fishing minigame)

Fishsweeper 

Fishing Minigames

Fish harder noob

Hello there my lovelies. 

I don't know why but I always tend to slip in a fishing a thing players can do when I create locations in whatever adventure or campaign I am running.  It is a fun distraction from the grind of defeating ancient evil horrors and looting dangerous crypts.  Plus some players really enjoy the extra roleplay aspect it brings, it is a moment of relaxation for their character in their downtime, or in between combats within a dungeon.

Ostensibly there are two ways to do this:

Random Tables: The player finds a body of water they want to fish in. They make a skill check and if they are successful they roll on a randomised table to see what they catch. 

Fishsweeper: The second approach emerged from a desire to make fishing a bit more interactive and fun. It works as a cross between battleships and minesweeper

Random tables

This approach is really straightforward.  The player approaches a fishable area and declares a desire to fish (assuming they have the equipment). The player should then make the appropriate skill check and if they pass they catch something and roll on one of the location tables below.

It is up to the DM to decide what the Fishing Skill should be. I usually think of it as either a matter of intelligence, dexterity and having the right gear, even a hunting skill would work well. Regardless the skill check should be fairly easy to beat. This is not a high-stakes exercise and should be a pleasant distraction.

Dear reader, the tables below represent the potential fish one might find in different locations.  Please use them, change them or take inspiration from them in any way that takes your fancy.

Roll	Port	Underground Lake
1	Seabass (+1 Ration)	Blind Flatfish (+1 Ration)
2	Bull Huss (+2 Rations)  Make an additional fishing check or take 1D3 damage as this little shark bites you as you remove it from your line.	Big-Eyed Creepy Flatfish (+1 Ration) Its eyes are like one of those paintings that seem to follow you wherever you go. Eating it could be bad luck.
3	Seabass (+1 Ration)	Blind Flatfish (+1 Ration)
4	Fishing Net Your line becomes tangled on a section of discarded fishing net.  It has ruined your line and takes you an hour to untangle everything.  However, the net is large enough to ensnare a large man… just saying.	Bioluminescent Gulper Eel (+1 Ration) This is an ugly fish.  Tastes pretty good mind you. A successful fishing check will allow you to extract 1 vial of bioluminescent fluid, to do with as you want.
5	Seabass (+1 Ration)	Blind Flatfish (+1 Ration)
6	A Soggy Money Pouch 1d6 x copper pieces within!	A Boot With A Hole In It Just as it sounds.
7	Seabass (+1 Ration)	Blind Flatfish (+1 Ration)
8	Lost Fisherman’s Hook You can hold it in your hand to look like a pirate.  Does 1D4 damage and grants a +1 to any grapple roll.	A Three-Foot Long Tentacle (+3 rations) It's thick and leathery.  Could be used as a makeshift club in a pinch.  It does 1D4 damage.
9	Seabass (+1 Ration)	Blind Flatfish (+1 Ration)
10	A small waterproof lockbox Potential contents: A pistole A treasure map The deeds to a boat Valuable gems	Ring on Paranoia Grants +1 AC Slowly over the next few days, the wearer will suffer an encroaching paranoia,  They will become convinced more and more people are trying to take their precious ring.

Roll	Lake/River	Open Seas
1	Trout (+1 Ration)	Cod (+1 Ration)
2	Pike (+2 Rations) Make a successful fishing check or this viscous thing will bite deep into you.  Does 1D6 damage	Angry Squid (+2 Rations) Successful fishing check or you are covered in ink and are blinded until you clean yourself.
3	Trout (+1 Ration)	Cod (+1 Ration)
4	An Old Horse Shoe It is not even that rusted.	A Mug Engraved on it are the words “world’s best captain”
5	Trout (+1 Ration)	Cod (+1 Ration)
6	Discarded Weapon The line catches a discarded slightly rusted weapon of your choice	Half Submerged Lockbox 1D10 Copper 1D6 x 2 Silver 1 Gold
7	Trout (+1 Ration)	Cod (+1 Ration)
8	River Sturgeon (+3 Rations) The sturgeon is also full of caviar. It will keep for only a few days before rotting.  However, it will sell for a handsome profit	Message In A Bottle Contains a treasure map!
9	Trout (+1 Ration)	Cod (+1 Ration)
10	A Baby Thinking your line was tangled up in reeds to your horror it is much worse.  You have caught a small floating wicker basket with a sleeping baby within. You have no idea where they came from, but it makes for a great beginning of a great comedy.	Ambergris Whale Vomit. It smells pretty bad and looks like a rotten rock.  However, alchemists and perfumers will pay VERY well for this incredibly rare reagent.

The Fishsweeper Approach

My thinking on fishing has evolved into a minigame.  It is good fun, and quick to make and turns fishing from a quick dice roll into a tactical puzzle.  The way it works is a bit like Battleships or Minesweeper.

Create a grid on squared paper (or like me scribble one down onto lined paper), and put coordinates along the X and Y axis.  Now every square on the grid can be identified by a unique coordinate!

Fig 1: So it looks something like this!

The next thing to do is populate it with your fish and other aquatic creatures and maybe some loot.  So your fishing area now looks like this.

Figure 2:  Completed Fishing Graph

Sprat: x1 Ration

Seabass: x2 Rations

Crab: x1 Ration (fishing check or take 1 point of damage from them nipping you)

Eel:  x3 Rations (Fishing check or 1D6 poison damage)

Ring: Worth 1 Gold piece

Fishing Battleships Rules

1. The player declares they want to cast a line.  

2. They will give you a coordinate (X, Y) and make a fishing check.

3. If they choose a square where a fish or item is they catch that fish.

4. If they choose a square with no fish or item in it but make a successful fishing check tell them how many squares away is the nearest fish or object.

5. If they failed the fishing roll they do not benefit from that information

6. Each time they cast a line it will take 30 minutes in game time.

I hope that helps.  It is a quick and fun way to create an encounter that eats up a bit of time and keeps your players coming back for more to see what is in that water.  I have also put below two examples from my own campaign notebooks to show you how I present it myself.

Much love

Tea set of Civility

The edge of a pirate dock.  Complete with a wand of eavesdropping to hear all the good gossip!

The base of a brackish waterfall, there are some nasty bitey fish in here that can nibble your fingers