Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I bring five very naughty artefacts you can use within your campaign. I have used them all in various campaigns, and each has produced what can only be described as entertaining results.

The common thread of these items is that they can be used and abused. Either by the party to mess with the DM, or by the DM to mess with the party.

Please Enjoy.

The Puzzle Box Of Horrible Helping
Appearance:	It has the appearance of a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. Intricate and gothic in design. The box can be manipulated through twists, pulls and pushes. It can be transformed into a new configuration that will open it up and reveal what is inside.
Description:	The puzzle box can be opened after a successful intelligence check (at moderate difficulty). It will take one minute of manipulation to do this. Upon being opened, a great and terrible eldritch abomination will burst forth, overwrought with tentacles, eyes and teeth. It is a pretty horrifying sight, to be honest! The eldritch abomination will follow the command of its master but will only do one of the following: One hour of physical labour One hour of administrative work 30 minutes of entertainment (singing, poetry, tap dancing) The eldritch abomination will not follow orders that do not fall into the above categories, and it certainly won’t fight. However, it will certainly kill anything that attempts to interfere with its given commands.

The Shiv Of Shivving
Appearance:	The shiv looks like a homemade knife. A shoddily put-together blade wrapped in cloth and secured by twine.
Description:	The shiv counts as a dagger to attack and damage. After a successful attack with the shiv of shivving, the wielder must make a wisdom check, or a save vs. magic (whichever you feel is more appropriate). If they fail, they gain an additional attack that round, which they MUST use immediately. The wielder must make a tally at the beginning of each session to see how many times they fail the save for the shiv of shivving. They should then refer to the table below: Times Shiv test failed Result 1 Must say the word "cut" at least once per 10 minutes. The character is not aware of this. 2-3 The character must say the word "cut" at least once per conversation. They now think cutting things is a pretty cool hobby. 4-5 The character must now say the word "cut" once per sentence. They will start cutting things. 6+ The character can be found muttering “cut, cut, cut” all the time; it is starting to get creepy. At the start of any combat, they must make a save vs. magic or attack the nearest person. After a good night's sleep, the wielder wakes up and comes to their senses.

The Endless Moonshine Bottle Of Terrible Truth
Appearance:	A non-descript glass bottle that has seen better days. Any labelling it once had has long ago peeled off.
Description:	If anyone willingly drinks from the bottle, a disembodied voice from the bottle begins to speak. It will reveal one secret about the drinker to all in earshot. This secret it reveals must be something that the drinker would find embarrassing, upsetting, or would endanger them. Since they drink it willingly, no saving throw is allowed. Oh, and the moonshine in it is endless and gets you really, really drunk.

The Ring of Protection (and Paranoia)
Appearance:	The ring has the appearance of a fashionable antique silver ring. It is decorated in a Gothic style and has a large single ruby set in the middle. Very nice, and very expensive!
Description:	The ring grants the wearer +1 AC, and this stacks with any other AC bonus. However, every morning the wearer must make a save versus magic or suffer from paranoia. They then roll on the table below: Roll Outcome 1 When you eat, it seems your rations have got smaller. Some greedy bastard is eating your food! 2 An item on your person (it might be a beloved weapon or something sentimental) has been stolen and replaced. The replacement is pretty shoddy, and you can go into detail proving that it is not the same thing that you had yesterday. 3 A member of your party has been replaced, probably by a doppelganger or powerful magic user. You cannot let them know you know, but you need to find a way to get them to confess! 4 Your gold bag is light. Much lighter! Someone has nicked your loot! It could be sneaky goblins, or it could be that party member who just bought themselves something new and fancy! 5 Someone has been following you. It might be more than one person; it could be a whole gang. You are not sure why they want you, but one thing is for sure, you won’t go down without a fight! 6 They want your ring. They know it is precious, very precious. You won’t let them take it; you would rather strangle them first!

Miniature Wardrobe Of Holding
Appearance:	The wardrobe looks just like an intricate wardrobe from a dollhouse. It stands no taller than the length of a human hand. It is made with incredible skill and polished finely.
Description:	The miniature wardrobe of holding works in a similar way to a bag of holding. The interior of the wardrobe is as large as a full-sized luxury wardrobe. The exterior, as already stated, is no larger than a human hand. So getting things in and out of it is a bit tricky!

Thank you for your time!

Much Love,

The Civil Tea-Set

10 Eldritch Beings, Pretender Gods, And Uncanny Entities

Hello there my lovelies,

Previously I discussed the pantheon of gods I tend to use in my settings, describing each in turn. Today I am discussing the nascent gods of the world and the forms they take. To reiterate, I perceive gods as powerful beings of uncanny nature and alien designs. They have more in common with the Lovecraftian entities of the mythos than the gods of mythology like the Greek or Norse pantheon.

The masses ordain the divinity of the gods I have through their worship and acts of devotion. It also means that no matter how powerful a god seems, they are ultimately finite. They are not the omniscient, omnipotent god (with a capital G) of the Abrahamic religions. Therefore they can be diminished, overthrown, or even killed (as unlikely as that is).

So the question begs, where do the gods come from? What were they before they ascended to godhood?

The answer is that they are unexplainable eldritch beings, all of whom defy the laws of nature and exist in strange and dangerous forms. They are found in the deepest, darkest corners of the hidden earth, or birthed in the gaps between the stars. If the foolhardy or ambitious dig too deep or uncover forbidden knowledge, these beings may be revealed. Rarely are they benign, or even benevolent, mostly however they are capricious and pitiless.

Below is the list of pretender gods I tend to use most often.

The General Rules I Have for My Pretender Gods Are as Follows:

• The name should evoke themes and a mental image.
• It should have something unsettling about its appearance or mannerisms.
• Its worshippers are strangely affected by the god, either through compulsion or physical change.

Who Are These Pretender Gods? (D10)

Roll	History
1	The True Sight: It takes the form of a giant eyeball that opens up into a maw of gnashing teeth. Has uncanny knowledge of the deepest secrets of the world. It grants its worshipers the gift of true sight, to see others' secrets in exchange for that person’s eyes.
2	The Whispering God: No true form of The Whispering God has ever been observed. It appears as a whispering voice that emerges out of cracks in walls. Seeks to guide emerging races and civilizations into enlightenment. Worshipers bring lost knowledge of the old world.
3	The Glutton of Souls: Takes the form of a spindly blue-skinned humanoid with a distended belly. A single animated eye hovers where its head should be. It consumes the souls of the dead, never sated, and bids its followers to bring victims to sate its hunger. The most loyal worshipers may be given the gift of the eldritch eye. However, this replaces their head, and they will forever hunger for the souls of the dead.
4	Butcher’s Maw: Where the Glutton of Souls hungers for souls, the Butcher’s Maw hungers for flesh. It takes the form of a giant obese humanoid with no eyes, just a great maw. Worshippers quickly succumb to a similar desire for flesh, rapidly descending into cannibalism. Its desire to feast is infectious. Individuals who spend too long in its domain will slowly succumb to the taboo of cannibalism.
5	The Golden Creeper: Takes the form of a central mass from which sprouts a thousand arms, grossly long and with too many joints. Upon each arm is a thousand eyes that twitch and swivel constantly in all directions with paranoid desperation. It only appears at sunset and will only crawl, and crawl and crawl. The Golden Creeper wants to explore and learn. It collects all things it finds curious. So be careful not to draw its interest, and if you do, make sure to keep moving until dark. Lest a thousand hands on a thousand arms take you.
6	Light of Ages: A second sun has appeared in the skies. It is small and distant for now. It moves slowly towards the heart of the solar system intent on supplanting the sun and having all bask in its glow. Its worshipers cover themselves head to toe in thick cloth so that the impure light of the old sun does not sully their flesh. By staring into the light of this strange new sun, one might just be able to hear it. If you do not go blind first.
7	Simularcurm: Simularcurm has no true intent or motive. It merely copies, follows, and observes. It has no true form but can take the form of any entity it witnesses. It will follow them, copy them, and observe their every movement. Sometimes, like a protoplasmic ooze, it will envelop what it has copied and consume them utterly.
8	Mother’s Embrace: It takes the form of a giant elderly woman swaddled in thousands of layers of rags and cloth. It is impossible to see (her?) true form beneath all the fabric. Her psychic emanations spread far and wide, and those susceptible will feel a deep instinctual need to be surrounded and protected. They will go on pilgrimage, seeking her place of slumber. She mostly sleeps in deep forgotten places with hundreds of folk from all over wrapping themselves in her fabric, feeling eternally safe and comforted. This sense of comfort overwhelms all other senses, and ultimately her followers die of thirst or starve to death.
9	Parliament of Bronze: The Parliament of Bronze inhabits the metal tin. Unlike the other pretender gods, it is a tiny hivemind hidden in tin ore deep in the earth. Once smelted and made into the alloy Bronze, it animates. It takes the form of thousands of bronze automatons, each unique, some ferocious, some artistic. The parliament votes on a series of actions of their uncanny design. Once votes are ratified, they impose these legislative outcomes on the world around them. Worshippers follow their laws slavishly, no matter how absurd or self-destructive they may be. Certain that the parliament is infallible.
10	. Ten Score Eyes: Ten Score Eyes lives deep in space. It silently observes the world. It takes notes, it remembers. Its existence is a revelation to most as the Ten Score Eye is so hidden and so far removed. Its worshipers go to tremendous lengths to build arcane observatories so that they may glimpse the being. They long one day to communicate with it, to learn its secrets.

I hope you find that useful! As always take, cannablise and steal the ideas here and use them as you please. Next time I will present a quick a dirty generator to make a god or pretender god of your own!

Much Love

The Civil Tea-Set