The Webrail

Hello there my lovelies!

Webrail is the setting for a new campaign I will be starting in a short few weeks.  It is a mad cross of Mortal Engines, Snow Piercer, and Spell Jammer.  The setting is a series of floating islands floating in an endless void that are linked together by a vast spider's web.  It is upon these webs that the great locomotives travel, trade, and wage war.  

For this installment I have provided the random tables I will be using to generate the campaign map, and the nature of each floating fragment in the void.  Watch the video to see how these tables can be used to create emergent narratives, and story telling hooks for your campaigns.

Fragment Size d6
1	Village	4	District
2	Town	5	Country
3	City	6	Continent
Environment d20 If the fragment is size 4 or 5 roll twice If the Fragment is size 6 roll three times
1	Mountainous	11	Elementally touched (d4) Earth Air Fire Water
2	Plains	12	Magically Infused
3	Dry Forest	13	Surreal (d4) Cubic Impossible geometry Anthropomysized Floating Landscapes
4	Swamps	14	Glacial
5	Desert	15	Necromantic/ Entropic
6	Tundra	16	Volcanic
7	Fungal Forest	17	Oceanic
8	Rain Forest	18	Constructed
9	Savana	19	Ruin
10	Wasteland	20	Toxic

. 

How Many Webrail Links Does The Fragment Have? d6
Roll	Size 1-2	Size 3-4	Size 5-6
1	1 or 2	1 to 2	1 or 2
2	1 or 2	1 or 2	A few
3	1 or 2	A few	A few
4	1 or 2	A few	Many
5	A Few	A few	Many
6	Many	Many	Many

Strange Feature d20 Size 1 or 2 (50% chance it has a strange feature) Size 3 roll once Size 4-5 roll twice Size 6 roll two or three times
1	Dangerous Ruin	11	Endless tunnels
2	Old Spider Nest	12	Ghost City
3	Fey Wild	13	Stone Circle
4	Eldtrich Abomination	14	Great Tower
5	Petrified Forest	15	Druidic Grove
6	Crystal Caves	16	Spider Structure
7	Titanic Graveyard	17	Necropolis
8	Aggressive Plant Overgrowth	18	Monster Nest
9	Great Maze	19	Void Infestation
10	Grand Obilisk	20	Cult Inundation

Chance Of Fragment Being Settled
Village	1 in 10
Town	2 in 10
City	1 in 3
District	1 in 2
Country	7 in 10
Continent	9 in 10

Notable Exports d6 If the fragment is settled what products do they export? Size 1 or 2 = Roll once Size 3 or 4 - Roll twice Size 5 or 6 Roll three times
d6
1	Wild Game	4	Textiles (including rugs)
2	Meat from livestock/fish	5	Wood/Timber
3	Furs/Chitin/Scales	6	Ivory/ Animal Trophies
d6
7	Quarried Stone (e.g. slate, marble, obsidian)	10	Metalwork (locomotive parts and tools)
8	Ores	11	Trainworks (construction)
9	Processed Metals/Alloys	12	Metalwork (tools,weapons, armour)
d6
13	Bricks\Clay\Pottery	16	Animal Products (honey, milk, wool)
14	Rare Fruits	17	Animal Reagents (used in alchemy)
15	Staple Foods (wheat, corn, vegetables)	18	Plant Reagents (used in alchemy)
4 d6
19	Arcane Materials	22	Dyes
20	Books	23	Incense/Soaps
21	Spices	24	Leather Works (including chitin and scales)
5. d6
25	Narcotics	28	Exotic Pets
26	Alcohol	29	Complex machinery/clockwork
27	Elemental Materials	30	Food (sweet foods & delicacies)
6. d6
31	Arcane Grimiores	34	Artefacts (void)
32	Artefacts (arcane)	35	Artefacts (spiders)
33	Artefacts (divine)	36	Firearms

Vibe Check d20 Terms to help prompt the GM determine the nature of the people or fragment
Roll	Fragment	Settled People
1	Stunning	Regimented
2	Beautiful	Honourable
3	Vibrant	Reflective
4	Lush	Educated
5	Serene	Pure
6	Corrupted	Wilds
7	Decaying	Cruel
8	Jagged	Untrustworthy
9	Hostile	Greedy
10	Bleak	Gluttonous
11	Confusing	Peaceable
12	Suffociating	Industrious
13	Gloomy	Efficent
14	Dark	Frugal
15	Shining	Scholarly
16	Cleansing	Bigoted
17	Dynamic	Morose
18	Holy	Opprossed
19	Eldrich	Warmongers
20	Divine	Tabboo

Hell's Fugitive

Don't do drugs kids.

Hello there, my lovelies,

Today I wish to delve into a campaign that I never got off the ground, which was a victim of the Covid outbreak. After a few game sessions, the UK health secretary was busy with scandals, and my party had to cancel the in-person sessions (online never worked for us).

I was gutted. It was going to be a campaign based on the fantastic *Veins Of The Earth* by the non-bald Patrick Stuart. The party was a group of fugitives from hell, and the game began with them waking in the pitch dark on a warm stone floor in the deepest parts of the earth. I put them through a funnel adventure to do a bit of character creation via Darwinian survival, and we went from there.

Below is the creation and leveling process for a fugitive of hell. Please enjoy:

Starting Memories

Suffering in hell is the most terrifying, painful, and disgusting experience conceivable. It is so traumatizing that the fugitives have repressed nearly all of their memories. This means that the fugitives start with broad amnesia, recovering memories here and there over time.

• A memory of a sin: This is the deed that was so terrible it damned them to hell.
• A memory of hope: Hell cannot exist without hope; otherwise, what is there to suffer for? This is the memory that the character held onto, giving them the will to carry on.
• A memory of hell: Not a specific memory, but rather flashes of experiences—falling through burning clouds into hell, being part of a herd of screaming people driven forward by devils, being drowned over and over in a river of blood… that sort of thing.

Memories at Level 1

• A memory of duty: What they were in life (this informs their class).
• A memory of ambition: What did they want to achieve in life?
• A memory of community: Where did they live, and which society were they part of?

Race Details

The character’s race is The Damned. They may have been any race in life, but now they are The Damned. They gain the following languages:

• Lament: This is the sound of the wails of the damned in hell. People who hear it are often left disturbed, but it is so primal that people seem to understand it. There is a 1 in 3 chance that one sentient creature with a soul will understand them.
• Miltonian: This is the language of the devils that torment the damned in hell.

Reject Fate: Fugitives from hell are the rare individuals who have cheated fate. At a cost, they may cheat fate again.

• Once per day, they may re-roll any one roll (apart from damage). However, the universe will seek to balance their deed. They will be at -1 on all rolls until they rest.

Regaining Memories

Each time the character advances a level or something truly dramatic happens, they may gain a new memory.

Memories

For their Starting Memories and Regained Memories, characters may roll on the tables below. They roll 1D6 and then roll 1D10 on the corresponding table.

Table 1: Memory of...
1	Fear
2	Love
3	Failure
4	Triumph
5	Revenge
6	Comfort
7	Servitude
8	Betrayal
9	Honour
10	War

Table 2: Memory of...
1	Poverty
2	Privilege
3	Peace
4	Hate
5	Humiliation
6	Crime
7	Learning
8	Catharsis
9	Achievement
10	Passion

Table 3: Memory of...
1	Suffering
2	Justice
3	Leadership
4	Loyalty
5	Deception
6	Wealth
7	Hardship
8	Sacrifice
9	Pride
10	Friendship

Table 4: Memory of...
1	Taboo
2	Teaching
3	Family
4	Comedy
5	Weirdness
6	Divinity
7	Blasphemy
8	Etiquette
9	Planning
10	Royalty

Table 5: Memory of...
1	Resilience
2	Promise
3	Rivalry
4	Conspiracy
5	Bereavement
6	Death
7	Healing
8	Worship
9	Scheming
10	Theft

Table 6: Memory of...
1	Joy
2	Despair
3	Cannibalism
4	Forbidden love
5	Unspeakable evil
6	Something ancient and unknowable
7	Birth
8	Death
9	Heaven
10	Hell

I hope you found this useful. As always please borrow and steal as you want.

Much Love. The Civil Tea-Set

The Cryptography Deamon

Hello there my Lovelies,

Apologies for my recent absence. I found myself recently married to the most beautiful woman and thus I was somewhat indisposed.

Today I bring to you a rather horrible creature that I have inflicted upon one of my adventuring groups. To my joy, they found this creature genuinely terrifying, not only because it affected how the party members were able to function, but also because it affected the world around them. Before we get stuck into it I will freely admit this creature is the unholy union of various inspirations. Namely the Crypto Spider from Fire On The Velvet Horizon, The Slake Moth from Perdido Street Station, and the Xenomorph from Alien.

The Cryptography Demon

The Cryptography Demon is a being of obsession, curiosity, and greed. It can only be summoned via a ritual to discover a secret; if all goes well, it will slip into the minds of those slumbering in the region and steal the knowledge it seeks. It would disappear again without a trace. However, if it is frustrated in its aims, the local population will be placed in dreadful jeopardy.

Summoning

To complete the ritual, the summoner will need to make sure the following steps are completed:

• Ritual Circle: This must be an unbroken ritual circle that is enchanted with demonic runes. A well-trained magic user can carefully erase runes thus making the circle safe to cross. Crossing the circle without doing so will almost certainly be fatal.
• Location: The summoning should take place near a large population, and near those whom the summoner believes have the knowledge that the demon will seek.
• The Sacrifice: The demon can only be maintained by a dreaming mind. The sacrifice should be placed within the ritual circle; they will fall into an unwaking dream-filled sleep when the ritual has been completed. The sacrifice cannot be woken unless the demon is slain, or until it has completed its task. Killing the sacrifice will send the demon back to its realm, the task incomplete.
• A Written Question: Next to the sleeping sacrifice should be a piece of paper, quill, and ink. On this paper, a question that the summoner seeks the answer to will be written. Once summoned, the demon will seek the answer to this question.

Description

The demon takes the form of a giant spider with unnaturally long legs. Instead of arachnid compound eyes, it has oversized human-like eyes of mismatched color. Along its abdomen and thorax are humanoid arms with articulate hands.

In combat, the demon will do the following:

• It wields multiple weapons in its arms.
• Fire webs to slow and entangle foes.
• Grasp victims in its hands and inject them with its venom.

The venom of the demon is not a true venom but rather a magical algorithm that encrypts the victim’s mind. This causes the victim to become incapacitated immediately. Recovery time from this venom can vary; some may recover in minutes, others days, and a rare few never recover, remaining in a vegetative state until their body dies.

Habitat and Behavior

The demon will attempt to find the answer to the question that it has been tasked with by weaving webs. These webs catch the dreaming thoughts of the population around it. Sooner or later the secret it seeks will be caught in the web, appearing as woven words.

The demon will weave these webs in the hidden places of the world around it. Cryptography demon webs have been found in many places including:

• Abandoned buildings
• Cellars and Attics
• Tunnels
• Mineshafts

It can travel around the region by ripping open a portal into a pocket dimension, that resembles a greyscale version of the world around it.

When it has found the answer to the question, it will return to the ritual circle and weave the answer into it. Once complete, it will be dismissed back to its plane.

Complications

Sleep Deprivation: The intrusion of the Cryptography Demon’s magics into dreams will begin to disturb the population. They will in time begin to suffer from insomnia as their sleep is affected. This can lead to prolonged sleep deprivation in the general populace. This often leads to large-scale psychosis and civil unrest.

Nesting Cascade: If the answer to the sought-after question is not found promptly, sleep deprivation in the general populace will frustrate the demon’s endeavors. In desperation, the demon will capture people and inject them with its venom to incapacitate them and then inject them with its young. These young will search the mind of the victim as they develop, bursting out of the victim after 24 hours. If they have gained the answer from their gestation period, they will report it to the parent. If not, they will set out into the world to incapacitate more victims and bring them back to the main nest. The young resemble a smaller version of the demon and maintain its potent venom. Beware; up to 3 young per victim can be birthed. This can easily destroy entire cities' worth of populations if not stopped quickly.

Cryptography Demon Venom

Once injected with the venom, the victim should make the appropriate saving throw. Please note that venom is a magical ability, not a poison!

If the victim fails the saving throw, their mind is put into an encrypted coma.

The mechanic for this will have your players stressed and scrambling to fix it fast:

• Continue the game as usual.
• The player under the effect of the venom is given a sudoku puzzle or a word search.
• They cannot rejoin the game until they complete the task given to them. This represents their mind decrypting itself.
• They will hate you for it, and you will love it.

Much Love,
The Civil Tea-Set

Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I bring five very naughty artefacts you can use within your campaign. I have used them all in various campaigns, and each has produced what can only be described as entertaining results.

The common thread of these items is that they can be used and abused. Either by the party to mess with the DM, or by the DM to mess with the party.

Please Enjoy.

The Puzzle Box Of Horrible Helping
Appearance:	It has the appearance of a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. Intricate and gothic in design. The box can be manipulated through twists, pulls and pushes. It can be transformed into a new configuration that will open it up and reveal what is inside.
Description:	The puzzle box can be opened after a successful intelligence check (at moderate difficulty). It will take one minute of manipulation to do this. Upon being opened, a great and terrible eldritch abomination will burst forth, overwrought with tentacles, eyes and teeth. It is a pretty horrifying sight, to be honest! The eldritch abomination will follow the command of its master but will only do one of the following: One hour of physical labour One hour of administrative work 30 minutes of entertainment (singing, poetry, tap dancing) The eldritch abomination will not follow orders that do not fall into the above categories, and it certainly won’t fight. However, it will certainly kill anything that attempts to interfere with its given commands.

The Shiv Of Shivving
Appearance:	The shiv looks like a homemade knife. A shoddily put-together blade wrapped in cloth and secured by twine.
Description:	The shiv counts as a dagger to attack and damage. After a successful attack with the shiv of shivving, the wielder must make a wisdom check, or a save vs. magic (whichever you feel is more appropriate). If they fail, they gain an additional attack that round, which they MUST use immediately. The wielder must make a tally at the beginning of each session to see how many times they fail the save for the shiv of shivving. They should then refer to the table below: Times Shiv test failed Result 1 Must say the word "cut" at least once per 10 minutes. The character is not aware of this. 2-3 The character must say the word "cut" at least once per conversation. They now think cutting things is a pretty cool hobby. 4-5 The character must now say the word "cut" once per sentence. They will start cutting things. 6+ The character can be found muttering “cut, cut, cut” all the time; it is starting to get creepy. At the start of any combat, they must make a save vs. magic or attack the nearest person. After a good night's sleep, the wielder wakes up and comes to their senses.

The Endless Moonshine Bottle Of Terrible Truth
Appearance:	A non-descript glass bottle that has seen better days. Any labelling it once had has long ago peeled off.
Description:	If anyone willingly drinks from the bottle, a disembodied voice from the bottle begins to speak. It will reveal one secret about the drinker to all in earshot. This secret it reveals must be something that the drinker would find embarrassing, upsetting, or would endanger them. Since they drink it willingly, no saving throw is allowed. Oh, and the moonshine in it is endless and gets you really, really drunk.

The Ring of Protection (and Paranoia)
Appearance:	The ring has the appearance of a fashionable antique silver ring. It is decorated in a Gothic style and has a large single ruby set in the middle. Very nice, and very expensive!
Description:	The ring grants the wearer +1 AC, and this stacks with any other AC bonus. However, every morning the wearer must make a save versus magic or suffer from paranoia. They then roll on the table below: Roll Outcome 1 When you eat, it seems your rations have got smaller. Some greedy bastard is eating your food! 2 An item on your person (it might be a beloved weapon or something sentimental) has been stolen and replaced. The replacement is pretty shoddy, and you can go into detail proving that it is not the same thing that you had yesterday. 3 A member of your party has been replaced, probably by a doppelganger or powerful magic user. You cannot let them know you know, but you need to find a way to get them to confess! 4 Your gold bag is light. Much lighter! Someone has nicked your loot! It could be sneaky goblins, or it could be that party member who just bought themselves something new and fancy! 5 Someone has been following you. It might be more than one person; it could be a whole gang. You are not sure why they want you, but one thing is for sure, you won’t go down without a fight! 6 They want your ring. They know it is precious, very precious. You won’t let them take it; you would rather strangle them first!

Miniature Wardrobe Of Holding
Appearance:	The wardrobe looks just like an intricate wardrobe from a dollhouse. It stands no taller than the length of a human hand. It is made with incredible skill and polished finely.
Description:	The miniature wardrobe of holding works in a similar way to a bag of holding. The interior of the wardrobe is as large as a full-sized luxury wardrobe. The exterior, as already stated, is no larger than a human hand. So getting things in and out of it is a bit tricky!

Thank you for your time!

Much Love,

The Civil Tea-Set

10 Eldritch Beings, Pretender Gods, And Uncanny Entities

Hello there my lovelies,

Previously I discussed the pantheon of gods I tend to use in my settings, describing each in turn. Today I am discussing the nascent gods of the world and the forms they take. To reiterate, I perceive gods as powerful beings of uncanny nature and alien designs. They have more in common with the Lovecraftian entities of the mythos than the gods of mythology like the Greek or Norse pantheon.

The masses ordain the divinity of the gods I have through their worship and acts of devotion. It also means that no matter how powerful a god seems, they are ultimately finite. They are not the omniscient, omnipotent god (with a capital G) of the Abrahamic religions. Therefore they can be diminished, overthrown, or even killed (as unlikely as that is).

So the question begs, where do the gods come from? What were they before they ascended to godhood?

The answer is that they are unexplainable eldritch beings, all of whom defy the laws of nature and exist in strange and dangerous forms. They are found in the deepest, darkest corners of the hidden earth, or birthed in the gaps between the stars. If the foolhardy or ambitious dig too deep or uncover forbidden knowledge, these beings may be revealed. Rarely are they benign, or even benevolent, mostly however they are capricious and pitiless.

Below is the list of pretender gods I tend to use most often.

The General Rules I Have for My Pretender Gods Are as Follows:

• The name should evoke themes and a mental image.
• It should have something unsettling about its appearance or mannerisms.
• Its worshippers are strangely affected by the god, either through compulsion or physical change.

Who Are These Pretender Gods? (D10)

Roll	History
1	The True Sight: It takes the form of a giant eyeball that opens up into a maw of gnashing teeth. Has uncanny knowledge of the deepest secrets of the world. It grants its worshipers the gift of true sight, to see others' secrets in exchange for that person’s eyes.
2	The Whispering God: No true form of The Whispering God has ever been observed. It appears as a whispering voice that emerges out of cracks in walls. Seeks to guide emerging races and civilizations into enlightenment. Worshipers bring lost knowledge of the old world.
3	The Glutton of Souls: Takes the form of a spindly blue-skinned humanoid with a distended belly. A single animated eye hovers where its head should be. It consumes the souls of the dead, never sated, and bids its followers to bring victims to sate its hunger. The most loyal worshipers may be given the gift of the eldritch eye. However, this replaces their head, and they will forever hunger for the souls of the dead.
4	Butcher’s Maw: Where the Glutton of Souls hungers for souls, the Butcher’s Maw hungers for flesh. It takes the form of a giant obese humanoid with no eyes, just a great maw. Worshippers quickly succumb to a similar desire for flesh, rapidly descending into cannibalism. Its desire to feast is infectious. Individuals who spend too long in its domain will slowly succumb to the taboo of cannibalism.
5	The Golden Creeper: Takes the form of a central mass from which sprouts a thousand arms, grossly long and with too many joints. Upon each arm is a thousand eyes that twitch and swivel constantly in all directions with paranoid desperation. It only appears at sunset and will only crawl, and crawl and crawl. The Golden Creeper wants to explore and learn. It collects all things it finds curious. So be careful not to draw its interest, and if you do, make sure to keep moving until dark. Lest a thousand hands on a thousand arms take you.
6	Light of Ages: A second sun has appeared in the skies. It is small and distant for now. It moves slowly towards the heart of the solar system intent on supplanting the sun and having all bask in its glow. Its worshipers cover themselves head to toe in thick cloth so that the impure light of the old sun does not sully their flesh. By staring into the light of this strange new sun, one might just be able to hear it. If you do not go blind first.
7	Simularcurm: Simularcurm has no true intent or motive. It merely copies, follows, and observes. It has no true form but can take the form of any entity it witnesses. It will follow them, copy them, and observe their every movement. Sometimes, like a protoplasmic ooze, it will envelop what it has copied and consume them utterly.
8	Mother’s Embrace: It takes the form of a giant elderly woman swaddled in thousands of layers of rags and cloth. It is impossible to see (her?) true form beneath all the fabric. Her psychic emanations spread far and wide, and those susceptible will feel a deep instinctual need to be surrounded and protected. They will go on pilgrimage, seeking her place of slumber. She mostly sleeps in deep forgotten places with hundreds of folk from all over wrapping themselves in her fabric, feeling eternally safe and comforted. This sense of comfort overwhelms all other senses, and ultimately her followers die of thirst or starve to death.
9	Parliament of Bronze: The Parliament of Bronze inhabits the metal tin. Unlike the other pretender gods, it is a tiny hivemind hidden in tin ore deep in the earth. Once smelted and made into the alloy Bronze, it animates. It takes the form of thousands of bronze automatons, each unique, some ferocious, some artistic. The parliament votes on a series of actions of their uncanny design. Once votes are ratified, they impose these legislative outcomes on the world around them. Worshippers follow their laws slavishly, no matter how absurd or self-destructive they may be. Certain that the parliament is infallible.
10	. Ten Score Eyes: Ten Score Eyes lives deep in space. It silently observes the world. It takes notes, it remembers. Its existence is a revelation to most as the Ten Score Eye is so hidden and so far removed. Its worshipers go to tremendous lengths to build arcane observatories so that they may glimpse the being. They long one day to communicate with it, to learn its secrets.

I hope you find that useful! As always take, cannablise and steal the ideas here and use them as you please. Next time I will present a quick a dirty generator to make a god or pretender god of your own!

Much Love

The Civil Tea-Set