Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery

Five Glorious Items To Spread Chaos And Misery
An intricate and gothic Hellraiser-style puzzle box

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I bring five very naughty artefacts you can use within your campaign. I have used them all in various campaigns, and each has produced what can only be described as entertaining results.

The common thread of these items is that they can be used and abused. Either by the party to mess with the DM, or by the DM to mess with the party.

Please Enjoy.

The Puzzle Box Of Horrible Helping
Appearance: It has the appearance of a Hellraiser-style puzzle box. Intricate and gothic in design. The box can be manipulated through twists, pulls and pushes. It can be transformed into a new configuration that will open it up and reveal what is inside.
Description:
  • The puzzle box can be opened after a successful intelligence check (at moderate difficulty). It will take one minute of manipulation to do this.
  • Upon being opened, a great and terrible eldritch abomination will burst forth, overwrought with tentacles, eyes and teeth. It is a pretty horrifying sight, to be honest!
  • The eldritch abomination will follow the command of its master but will only do one of the following:
    • One hour of physical labour
    • One hour of administrative work
    • 30 minutes of entertainment (singing, poetry, tap dancing)
  • The eldritch abomination will not follow orders that do not fall into the above categories, and it certainly won’t fight. However, it will certainly kill anything that attempts to interfere with its given commands.
The Shiv Of Shivving
Appearance: The shiv looks like a homemade knife. A shoddily put-together blade wrapped in cloth and secured by twine.
Description:
  • The shiv counts as a dagger to attack and damage.
  • After a successful attack with the shiv of shivving, the wielder must make a wisdom check, or a save vs. magic (whichever you feel is more appropriate). If they fail, they gain an additional attack that round, which they MUST use immediately.
  • The wielder must make a tally at the beginning of each session to see how many times they fail the save for the shiv of shivving. They should then refer to the table below:
Times Shiv test failed Result
1 Must say the word "cut" at least once per 10 minutes. The character is not aware of this.
2-3 The character must say the word "cut" at least once per conversation. They now think cutting things is a pretty cool hobby.
4-5 The character must now say the word "cut" once per sentence. They will start cutting things.
6+ The character can be found muttering “cut, cut, cut” all the time; it is starting to get creepy. At the start of any combat, they must make a save vs. magic or attack the nearest person.
  • After a good night's sleep, the wielder wakes up and comes to their senses.
The Endless Moonshine Bottle Of Terrible Truth
Appearance: A non-descript glass bottle that has seen better days. Any labelling it once had has long ago peeled off.
Description:
  • If anyone willingly drinks from the bottle, a disembodied voice from the bottle begins to speak. It will reveal one secret about the drinker to all in earshot. This secret it reveals must be something that the drinker would find embarrassing, upsetting, or would endanger them.
  • Since they drink it willingly, no saving throw is allowed.
  • Oh, and the moonshine in it is endless and gets you really, really drunk.
The Ring of Protection (and Paranoia)
Appearance: The ring has the appearance of a fashionable antique silver ring. It is decorated in a Gothic style and has a large single ruby set in the middle. Very nice, and very expensive!
Description:
  • The ring grants the wearer +1 AC, and this stacks with any other AC bonus.
  • However, every morning the wearer must make a save versus magic or suffer from paranoia. They then roll on the table below:
Roll Outcome
1 When you eat, it seems your rations have got smaller. Some greedy bastard is eating your food!
2 An item on your person (it might be a beloved weapon or something sentimental) has been stolen and replaced. The replacement is pretty shoddy, and you can go into detail proving that it is not the same thing that you had yesterday.
3 A member of your party has been replaced, probably by a doppelganger or powerful magic user. You cannot let them know you know, but you need to find a way to get them to confess!
4 Your gold bag is light. Much lighter! Someone has nicked your loot! It could be sneaky goblins, or it could be that party member who just bought themselves something new and fancy!
5 Someone has been following you. It might be more than one person; it could be a whole gang. You are not sure why they want you, but one thing is for sure, you won’t go down without a fight!
6 They want your ring. They know it is precious, very precious. You won’t let them take it; you would rather strangle them first!
Miniature Wardrobe Of Holding
Appearance: The wardrobe looks just like an intricate wardrobe from a dollhouse. It stands no taller than the length of a human hand. It is made with incredible skill and polished finely.
Description:
  • The miniature wardrobe of holding works in a similar way to a bag of holding.
  • The interior of the wardrobe is as large as a full-sized luxury wardrobe. The exterior, as already stated, is no larger than a human hand. So getting things in and out of it is a bit tricky!

Thank you for your time!

Much Love,

The Civil Tea-Set

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

10 Eldritch Beings, Pretender Gods, And Uncanny Entities

10 Eldritch Beings, Pretender Gods, And Uncanny Entities

Hello there my lovelies,

Previously I discussed the pantheon of gods I tend to use in my settings, describing each in turn. Today I am discussing the nascent gods of the world and the forms they take. To reiterate, I perceive gods as powerful beings of uncanny nature and alien designs. They have more in common with the Lovecraftian entities of the mythos than the gods of mythology like the Greek or Norse pantheon.

The masses ordain the divinity of the gods I have through their worship and acts of devotion. It also means that no matter how powerful a god seems, they are ultimately finite. They are not the omniscient, omnipotent god (with a capital G) of the Abrahamic religions. Therefore they can be diminished, overthrown, or even killed (as unlikely as that is).

So the question begs, where do the gods come from? What were they before they ascended to godhood?

The answer is that they are unexplainable eldritch beings, all of whom defy the laws of nature and exist in strange and dangerous forms. They are found in the deepest, darkest corners of the hidden earth, or birthed in the gaps between the stars. If the foolhardy or ambitious dig too deep or uncover forbidden knowledge, these beings may be revealed. Rarely are they benign, or even benevolent, mostly however they are capricious and pitiless.

Below is the list of pretender gods I tend to use most often.

The General Rules I Have for My Pretender Gods Are as Follows:

  • The name should evoke themes and a mental image.
  • It should have something unsettling about its appearance or mannerisms.
  • Its worshippers are strangely affected by the god, either through compulsion or physical change.

Who Are These Pretender Gods? (D10)

Roll History
1 The True Sight:
  • It takes the form of a giant eyeball that opens up into a maw of gnashing teeth.
  • Has uncanny knowledge of the deepest secrets of the world.
  • It grants its worshipers the gift of true sight, to see others' secrets in exchange for that person’s eyes.
2 The Whispering God:
  • No true form of The Whispering God has ever been observed. It appears as a whispering voice that emerges out of cracks in walls.
  • Seeks to guide emerging races and civilizations into enlightenment.
  • Worshipers bring lost knowledge of the old world.
3 The Glutton of Souls:
  • Takes the form of a spindly blue-skinned humanoid with a distended belly. A single animated eye hovers where its head should be.
  • It consumes the souls of the dead, never sated, and bids its followers to bring victims to sate its hunger.
  • The most loyal worshipers may be given the gift of the eldritch eye. However, this replaces their head, and they will forever hunger for the souls of the dead.
4 Butcher’s Maw:
  • Where the Glutton of Souls hungers for souls, the Butcher’s Maw hungers for flesh. It takes the form of a giant obese humanoid with no eyes, just a great maw.
  • Worshippers quickly succumb to a similar desire for flesh, rapidly descending into cannibalism.
  • Its desire to feast is infectious. Individuals who spend too long in its domain will slowly succumb to the taboo of cannibalism.
5 The Golden Creeper:
  • Takes the form of a central mass from which sprouts a thousand arms, grossly long and with too many joints. Upon each arm is a thousand eyes that twitch and swivel constantly in all directions with paranoid desperation.
  • It only appears at sunset and will only crawl, and crawl and crawl.
  • The Golden Creeper wants to explore and learn. It collects all things it finds curious. So be careful not to draw its interest, and if you do, make sure to keep moving until dark. Lest a thousand hands on a thousand arms take you.
6 Light of Ages:
  • A second sun has appeared in the skies. It is small and distant for now.
  • It moves slowly towards the heart of the solar system intent on supplanting the sun and having all bask in its glow.
  • Its worshipers cover themselves head to toe in thick cloth so that the impure light of the old sun does not sully their flesh.
  • By staring into the light of this strange new sun, one might just be able to hear it. If you do not go blind first.
7 Simularcurm:
  • Simularcurm has no true intent or motive. It merely copies, follows, and observes.
  • It has no true form but can take the form of any entity it witnesses. It will follow them, copy them, and observe their every movement.
  • Sometimes, like a protoplasmic ooze, it will envelop what it has copied and consume them utterly.
8 Mother’s Embrace:
  • It takes the form of a giant elderly woman swaddled in thousands of layers of rags and cloth. It is impossible to see (her?) true form beneath all the fabric.
  • Her psychic emanations spread far and wide, and those susceptible will feel a deep instinctual need to be surrounded and protected. They will go on pilgrimage, seeking her place of slumber.
  • She mostly sleeps in deep forgotten places with hundreds of folk from all over wrapping themselves in her fabric, feeling eternally safe and comforted. This sense of comfort overwhelms all other senses, and ultimately her followers die of thirst or starve to death.
9 Parliament of Bronze:
  • The Parliament of Bronze inhabits the metal tin. Unlike the other pretender gods, it is a tiny hivemind hidden in tin ore deep in the earth. Once smelted and made into the alloy Bronze, it animates.
  • It takes the form of thousands of bronze automatons, each unique, some ferocious, some artistic.
  • The parliament votes on a series of actions of their uncanny design. Once votes are ratified, they impose these legislative outcomes on the world around them.
  • Worshippers follow their laws slavishly, no matter how absurd or self-destructive they may be. Certain that the parliament is infallible.
10 . Ten Score Eyes:
  • Ten Score Eyes lives deep in space. It silently observes the world. It takes notes, it remembers.
  • Its existence is a revelation to most as the Ten Score Eye is so hidden and so far removed.
  • Its worshipers go to tremendous lengths to build arcane observatories so that they may glimpse the being. They long one day to communicate with it, to learn its secrets.

I hope you find that useful! As always take, cannablise and steal the ideas here and use them as you please. Next time I will present a quick a dirty generator to make a god or pretender god of your own!

Much Love

The Civil Tea-Set

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

A Pantheon Presented Plainly

The Tea-Sets Theology List

A Premade Pantheon Presented Plainly

gigga chad zeus seducing a lady as a swan

All gods know ladies cannot resist a sexy swan

Hello there my lovelies,

Today I present to you a pantheon of gods. These gods are the standard gods I have in most settings. The topic of gods in mythology and fiction is a subject you could write a PhD on, so I shall try and keep this post concise and focused. I will describe my philosophy, as to how to design and use gods in a setting as well as an overview of how religion should integrate into any crafted world.

The Tea-Sets Theology List

  1. The gods are distant beings. They rarely directly interact with the world. Their followers bring change in the world; they do not.
  2. There should always be something unsettling or uncanny about them. They may be worshipped by millions of beings but should always be something that puts you at slight unease when you delve into them more deeply.
  3. Their domain (what they are a god of) is rarely intuitive. If their nature can be summarized neatly in one sentence, then there are hidden aspects to the god that require further explanation.
  4. Direct communication with them should almost never happen, maybe at most only a handful of times in a grand campaign. This should only happen in moments of the direst need (to heighten drama), or only in the most sacred of places.
  5. There should always be followers who are zealots. That takes their beliefs beyond the reasonable, to the extreme. Violence and cruelty are done too often in the name of religion.
  6. The gods are rarely malevolent, but also not entirely benign.
  7. The vast majority of people in our world claim some form of religious belief. This should be the same in any other world.
  8. Settlements should nearly always have some place of worship, be it a cathedral, temple, or shrine.
  9. Reward devotion; it doesn't have to be a big reward. A splash of holy water here, or a one-time bonus to a roll there. Roleplay of a devoted follower should pay dividends.
Aresstus
Dominion: Freedom and Revolution
Appearance: A series of interlocking rings constantly revolving. Upon each ring are a multitude of eyes. Each eye is restless, looking and observing.
About:
  • Aresstus demands freedom for freedom’s sake alone. As a result of this, Aresstus is the patron of the oppressed, imprisoned, and enslaved.
  • The followers of Aresstus often act with moral certainty that their actions are for the good.
  • The darker flip side to this god is the spirit of pure anarchy and rabid individual sovereignty that it inspires in its most zealous followers.
  • All government is a form of oppression, in the eyes of its followers. All authority figures are corrupt, and all institutions are rotten to the core, and therefore they must all be taken down and destroyed.
  • Aresstian anarchists constantly foment unrest in all civilizations in a holy crusade to bring to an end all forms of rule. So that peoples of all kinds may stand as equals in the utopia of noble savages that only Jean-Jacques Rousseau could dream of.
Batt
Dominion: Change and Catharsis
Appearance: Batt appears as a colossal floating black pyramid. On one face is a great unblinking eye that carefully surveys all that it sees. A hundred thousand black tentacles from its base grasp and reshape anything within reach.
About:
  • Batt never communicates in any meaningful way. Batt is the representation of change and entropy. Batt does not favour any outcome over any other, it just desires that the status quo is overthrown.
  • Very few people worship Batt directly, they do not need to as change is a constant in life.
  • However, Batt is also the bringer of catharsis. Those who have lived through turbulent times in their life are said to receive its blessings. The clarity of thought that comes with overcoming personal upheaval.
The Grave Warden
Dominion: Peace in death
Appearance: The Grave Warden takes the form of a heavily robed human, with an oversized hood large enough to hide all of The Grave Warden’s features. A single large brass bell is extending from the sleeve of one of The Grave Warden’s voluminous sleeves. The Grave Warden will ring this regularly to call the dead to its side.
About:
  • The ignorant call The Grave Warden the god of death, or the god of the dead.
  • The Grave Warden is invoked to protect the dead in their eternal rest. The symbol of the brass bell is found throughout graveyards, tombs, and mausoleums.
  • Undeath is abhorrent to The Grave Warden. To interfere with the ultimate fate of a living being is to defile it.
Ling-Gol
Dominion: Ambition, Architecture, and Obsession
Appearance: Ling-Gol is usually depicted as a city with a grand cathedral at its heart. Upon this cathedral is an unblinking, ever-searching eye.
About:
  • Ling-Gol is the god of the academic and craftsman and is otherwise known as the Infinite City because worship of it inspires complexity of thought beyond rational bounds.
  • Ling-Gol’s followers strive to achieve great things, but the obsessiveness it inspires in its followers can become all-consuming for the most zealous.
  • Yes, Ling-Gol’s acolytes do create great things, but often at the cost of their minds, or family and friends.
Lumina
Dominion: The sun, Wisdom, and Healing
Appearance: Lumina takes two forms. First as that of the sun. The second is that of a golden-haired woman with an irrepressible smile. Usually depicted in traditional dress or mirror-like armour.
About:
  • Lumina is the most accessible of all the gods. Her appearance and creed is clear and understandable. Therefore Lumina is not just the goddess of the sun but also civilization itself, as the sun gives life to the land, to the crops and respite to the weary.
  • Her worshippers are largely charitable and seek to better themselves through good deeds and words.
  • However, her most zealous followers are often struck blind by staring too long into her glory. She is beautiful and kind, but she is also smothering and all-encompassing.
Nyla
Dominion: Lies and Pain
Appearance: Nyla takes one of two forms. The first is that of the moon, the second is that of an old matronly woman, white of hair and sad of smile.
About:
  • Nyla has two sides to her. One is a being that revels in the shadow of human nature, the manipulations, the lies, and the cruelties.
  • The other side of her is someone who understands the pain people do to each other, and the damage lies inflict. She offers understanding and soothing from this suffering.
  • For the few of those who do worship her, they consider her the most human of all the gods.
Orchidnidus
Dominion: The duality of nature
Appearance: She takes the appearance of a giant blossoming flower or that of a young woman with vines for hair. She is heavily pregnant, and her hands are covered in blood. One hand rests upon her belly, the other carries the decapitated head of a foe.
About:
  • Also known as the Red and Green Woman. Orchidnidus is the goddess of nature, who revels in the stark truth of the natural world. She represents the duality of nature, one side that creates and fosters life, and the other side which is about brutal, pitiless survival.
  • Orchidnidus creates life, but she also destroys it; such is the cycle of nature.
Verus
Dominion: Bureaucracy and Law
Appearance: Verus takes the image of a great green obelisk covered with all the laws of all nations. Verus also occasionally takes the form of a jade-green animated statue. He wields books and scrolls as great weapons of war.
About:
  • Verus is sometimes referred to as the god of complexity or thought of as a sadistic god, as nothing is more labyrinthine or as frustrating as dealing with the processes and vagaries of institutions. However, nothing could be further from the truth.
  • Verus loves and understands humanity in a way that perhaps only Nyla can appreciate. Systems and laws exist only abstractly, and this fascinates him. His followers seek to create the perfect system, a streamlined and frictionless organization.
  • Perhaps it is more precise to call Verus the god of efficiency.

Conclusion

Crafting a pantheon of gods is an excellent way to really stamp your personality onto the setting, both the gods and the relgions following them wil add flavor and depth to your world. Use my gods or my guildlines as you like,or steal as you want. Just remember, keep them distant, keep them a bit weird, and make thier followers sometimes VERY dangerous.

Much Love,
The Civil Tea-Set

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Read Harder Nerd: Or how I made books the most sought after items in my settings

READ HARDER NERD

READ HARDER NERD:

Or How I Made Books the Most Sought-After Items in My Settings

Introduction

Hello there my Lovelies!

I have found that in both TTRPGs and computer games, books are often overlooked. Games like Skyrim and its legendary tale of The Lusty Argonian Maid really do go the extra mile to include content, but sadly, there is still not a lot of incentive to read the books outside of your own curiosity. The roguelike Cataclysm: Dark Days Ahead (CDDA) makes books really valuable, as they reflect their real-world property.

They teach you things, but you must read them first.

In the real world, books impart information. Humans can learn things without direct experience through books. We use books as a store of memories that are external to our minds. This is why people tend to put such high value on literacy; it is why we balk at the idea of book burnings.

In the games I run, books are highly sought after by the party as they can learn things from them.

The Mechanic

A book will take X days to read, and at the end of this time, the character will learn something. This usually manifests as a very specific bonus to very specific rolls.

Reading days are ticked off by downtime activities or choosing to read during a rest, with each rest counting as one day's worth of reading.

Example Book Details
Name: Urgle Gurgle on Sushi
Author: Urgle Gurgle (Esq.)
Reading time: 5 days
Rarity: Uncommon
Description: Written in beautiful poetic prose, this seminal sushi cookery book has been translated from the original Merlock tongue into 27 different languages.
Result on reading: +1 on any roll related to making or knowing about sushi.

That is the basic outline, but we can expand on it.

How Should Books Be Designed?

  • Any bonuses they grant should be highly specific.
  • If a book affects a basic skill or stat, it should be very rare or extraordinarily expensive.
  • The more general or useful the bonus it grants, the rarer and more expensive the book.
  • Give it a fun name and name the author. This adds flavor to the book.

Other Potential Book Bonuses

  • Blueprints or instructions on how to build something. Once read, the player is considered proficient (or at least familiar) with the process of making that item.
  • Reading the book grants a flash of inspiration. This grants the player a one-time powerful bonus for a limited amount of time.
  • FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE! Hidden lore that unveils secrets or may reveal the location of powerful artifacts.

The outcome of this is that my players are highly motivated to find books, and they find them very exciting, often saying “Oh I only have 3 more days left on this book and I can do X”.

Below is my library of most of the books I have made from different campaigns. I intend to add to this in time, so I may make a persistent link to it.

The Tea Set’s Library

Title Author Description
Urist and Ragnar the Collected Series Reading Pick Press A collection of Key Stage 1 reading books for Dwarven children, contains the following stories amongst others:
- Urist and Ragnar go on an adventure
- Urist and Ragnar rescue a princess
- Urist and Ragnar escape the princess
- Urist and Ragnar think princesses are too much trouble

Common, (20 days for a learning reader, requires an assistant. Will raise one's reading age to that of a 10-year-old)
Urist and Ragnar the Continuing Adventures Reading Pick Press A collection of Key Stage 2 reading books for Dwarven children, contains the following stories amongst others:
- Urist and Ragnar go on a quest
- Urist and Ragnar and the dragon’s horde
- Urist and Ragnar invest in the family business
- Urist and Ragnar commit minor fraud
- Urist and Ragnar go on another quest to make up for the money they lost

Common, (15 days. Will raise one's reading age to that of a 13-year-old)
On Xibalba Memet the Immortal A large book discussing the nature of hell. It covers a theory suggesting that hell is part of our plane of existence, and all that you must do to reach it is to just dig too deep.

Rare (12 days, Grants +1 on rolls regarding the history, geography, and theories around hell)
Tempo of Battle General Agnew A famous war diary of the great General Agnew. Closer inspection of the book reveals deep insights into battlefield tactics. Riveting stuff!

Uncommon, (10 days. Grants a once per session ability to re-roll initiative)
Limited Divinity Rector Nunya A radical, perhaps heretical text. It proposes a system whereby every 500 years the gods give up their divinity and pass on their title to a chosen mortal. The author suggests this would reduce societal stagnation and boost innovation.

Rare, (5 days, Grants +1 to rolls involving theological debates. If found to be in possession of this book, there may be consequences)
Trees Eion Farstrider A beautifully illustrated book of field sketches and observations of a myriad of tree species. Accessible yet detailed, the perfect coffee table book.

Common, (7 days, grants +1 rolls identifying trees and knowledge about them)
Ix: The Eternal City Reggie Summersmile Written by the bestselling halfling travel writer Reggie Summersmile. This tome has a detailed description of what used to be the world's largest city, and capital of the Lurentian Empire. The city Ix. Contains maps!

Common, (5 days, +1 to all rolls navigating or knowledge about the city of Ix)
Peace... Eventually Walter Grondyke III A professional historical review of the last 500 years of the western human kingdoms. Their centuries of endless warring and eventual peace brought about the great concord of Uribeck.

Uncommon, (12 days, +1 to all rolls about the history of the human kingdoms)
Fomor: The Vile Beastman T.H. Yarnly This tome is essentially an anthropological study of the races of beastmen that inhabit the world. Written years before the war. Warning, contains graphic descriptions of brutality and torture.

Rare, (9 days, +1 on all rolls involving knowledge of beastman behavior and culture)
How to Make Friends and Decapitate Your Enemies W.S. Cam A purported self-help manual. People will love you, all you need to do is threaten them with an axe.

Common, (3 days, Grants a once-ever +4 bonus on the next social interaction roll you make)
Smith Like a Dwarf Lulgrim Steeltoe Learn to smith like a dwarf, grow a beard, hammer red hot metal. Chicks will dig you!

Common, (8 days, +1 on rolls for blacksmithing)
The Nyxian Chronicles Thrain Stoneheart An ancient tome that narrates the history of the subterranean Nyxian Ocean, with details on trade, navigation, and folklore.

Common, (7 days, +1 on rolls about locations and cultures of the Nyxian Ocean)
Tooth and Claw: A Bestiary of the Deep Paths Grom Ironfoot A compendium of underground creatures, including information on their habitats, behaviors, and weaknesses. Lots of pretty pictures.

Uncommon, (5 days, +1 on rolls to identify creatures of the deep paths, and recall information about them)
A History of a Bearded People Balin Basaltchin A grand if sometimes embellished history of the Dwarven folk.

Common, (6 days, +1 on rolls involving dwarven history)
Nautical Maps of the Nyxian Ocean Karak Lomores Nautical Commission A collection of maps and charts detailing routes, navigation, and forgotten locations in the Nyxian Ocean.

Uncommon, (1 day, may show hidden locations)
The Luminous Hymns The Lumic See A hymnbook containing the most holy hymns dedicated to the Goddess Lumina, the grand matriarch of the pantheon.

Uncommon, (2 days)
Mysteries of the Abyss Durgan Onyxfoot A collection of folktales of horrific creatures that stalk the deep paths and other horrors. Mostly tosh, good fun read though.

Uncommon, (4 days)
Voices from the Deep Paths Arlia Moonshimmer A compilation of traditional dwarven ballads and drinking songs, as well as songs from other races who traveled the deep paths. Collected by an elven anthropologist.

Common, (3 days)
Recipes from the Deep Lira Stoneear Written in a brisk cheerfulness not often associated with dwarves, this is a legendary book that adorns the bookshelf of any self-respecting dwarven household.

Common, (5 days, +1 to any roll for cooking using subterranean ingredients.)
A Technical Guide to Intoxication through the Kingdom Fungi Plagueface esq. A thick tome written in a conspiratorial manner about identifying various types of mushrooms to make hallucinogenic potions and poisons.

Rare, (6 days, +1 to rolls identifying fungi and their uses)
Fractal Mosaics Prof. R.K. Dunshelm What would be a dry exploration of mosaic design and technique is lifted to greater heights by the author's beautiful prose and exploration of the relationship between art and culture.

Rare, (10 days, +1 on critiquing and understanding art)
Backdoor Wenches (Volume 9) Funhouse A smutty picture book depicting all races in various forms of copulation.

Rare, (1 day)
The Epic of Yorm Unknown Author This is an ancient poem (by the editor's standards). It was passed down through oral tradition and has now been codified into text.

The poem is about a great hero who slays several increasingly dangerous monsters only undone by his own hubris.

Common, (4 days)
Jombaha! Archmage Press A pop-arcane book. Designed to get the masses more enraged with arcane studies and rituals.
It is a collection of presumably real-life stories when rituals went horribly wrong, resulting in death, destruction, and occasionally hilarity.

Uncommon, (5 days, +1 on any roll to do with avoiding ritual blowback)
Leviathan Stirs Anon A philosophical dialogue. Discusses the importance of maintaining social roles and the sanctity of the social contract between lord and subject. If one were to read between the lines you might think the author is telling you how to tear down society.

Rare, (6 days)
Applied Accountancy Professor Boringson It is an accountancy textbook. Useful but boring.

Rare, (10 days. Must pass an INT or Wisdom check to read, as it's DULL. When rolling for any accountancy-based topic, roll with advantage.)
Poisons for Responsible Adults Archie McStabberson A very responsible book about how to make poisons to kill various pests, like insects, birds, rats, and other people.

Very Rare, (8 days, +1 to rolls crafting and identifying poison)
Extra-Dimensional Topology Yuler A dense work about an incredibly niche subject area that has limited real-world application. You think it discusses how mathematical geometries might shift in other dimensions.

Very Rare, (12 days, requires INT check to ensure you understand what the book is about. Gains +1 to rolls identifying magic, if you can cast you also gain an additional spell)
Build a Buddy Unknown A handwritten and unique tome that describes the very expensive process of building a golem. Construction time requires 30 days per HD.

Stupidly Rare, (12 days, requires INT check. Allows for construction of a golem)
Cat of the West R. Heartly Famous Novel. It's not about a cat, it’s allegorical.

Common, (5 days)
Mending Nature Clipclop Bristlechin Druidic tome on the corruption of the natural world and recognizing it.

Uncommon, (7 days, +1 to rolls identifying corruption in nature)
Understanding Semaphore Imperial Navy Publishing House Describes standard semaphore, a language involving flag use on maritime vessels.

Uncommon, (12 days, Learns the language Semaphore)
Weather Watcher’s Guide Imperial Navy Publishing House Reference book on weather forecasting.

Uncommon, (7 days, +1 to rolls to forecast the weather, can only forecast the weather up 24 hours in advance, not always accurate)
Gorlian’s Insights Gorlian the Wise Philosophical musings on phenomenology. It is mind-expanding stuff.

Rare, (7 days, requires an INT or WIS roll to read, as it is DEEP. Grants a one-time re-roll on any one failed roll)
Suffer the Weak G. T. Hateful Autobiography of Gashnik the Hateful, orc pirate. Grim reading.

Common, (5 days)
Roshambo A. Smee A player's guide to a favorite pirate game, where men take turns kicking each other in the balls.

Very Rare, (1 day reading time, you always get the first go in a game of Roshambo)

I hope you have found this post useful. Untill then, much love

The Civil Tea Set

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

The Tea-Set's Patented Island Generator

 The Tea-Set's Patented Island Generator

Islands like this are often home to the lesser spotted pygmy owlbear

Hello there My lovelies,

I love a generator.  It makes things in the world more procedural, creating stories that emerge from the mismatches between different attributes of the region being brought into life.

Anyway, I have been running a pirate-themed campaign for one of my groups, and before I kicked everything into motion I created a map and an island generator to bring each of my islands to life.

The map can be found at the end of this post in case you are interested.  I drew it on cardboard so it has some jankyness to it, but the players do seem to enjoy a physical artefact to get their hands on.

Below is the generator.  Roll each section as it comes up and it will give you an idea of what the island is like.  The generator assumes an age of exploration/colonialisation sort of setting so feel free to change that as you need.  Also, you might find that some things just don't make sense when rolled together, if that is the case change things as needed.  

Tally ho!

Island Generator

Island Geology and Geography

Roll

Type

01-35

Continental:

  • Continental Islands are attached to the main continent through the continental shelf.  They are isolated from the mainland by current sea levels 

  • Continental Islands will vary in size from small outcrops to vast landmasses.

  • These islands will have varied geography, and if large enough will sport equally varied ecosystems.

36-55

Coral:

  • Islands that have grown their landmass from successive growths of coral reefs over extended periods of history.  When sea levels drop these areas are exposed becoming isolated landmasses.

  • They tend to have unique ecosystems due to the isolated nature of their formation.

  • They will likely be accompanied by large reefs surrounding the island. 

56-75

Oceanic:

  • Oceanic islands are formed through volcanic upwellings or other tectonic actions that lead to volcanicity.  Nearly all oceanic islands are connected to or are the remains of volcanoes.

  • Oceanic islands will have unique and varied ecosystems, due to their isolated formation and varied geography.

76-85

Tidal:

  • Tidal islands retain a link or landbridge to the mainland.  However, as the name suggests this will vary according to the level of the tide.  At high tide, the island will be completely isolated.

  • Tidal islands are found along the shore of other landmasses. 

  • They will share the geography and ecology of the mainland it is attached to.

86-95

Barrier:

  • These are coastal landforms that have grown out from sand deposits in the littoral (coastal) zone.  They will appear and disappear according to current sea levels.

  • They are susceptible to wave action and easily eroded.

  • They will often have landward lagoons, dune ecosystems and will often be titdally connected to the land.

96-100

Artificial:

  • These rare islands are created by intelligent actors.

  • Considering the setting this could also mean islands created through arcane or eldritch means. 

Island Ecosystem

1

Barren:

  • There is little to no vegetation on the land of this island.  For whatever reason life has not held on here with any real fortitude.

  • There may be small pockets of life, lichen or mosses growing upon the rocks.  There may even be the odd seabird nesting here for a small time.  Otherwise this is a place empty of life.

2

Sparse:

  • The soil is thin and so are the plants that grow out of it.  Perhaps the geology of the island prevents deeper roots forming, or perhaps wild tempests or vile magics have stripped the island of its larger flora and fauna.

  • Any animals found on the island will likely be small unless they get their food from the sea.

  • Such a place would be ideal for colonies of birds, seals or penguins.

3

Saltmarsh:

  • These are marshes made up of hardy plants that can suffer the higher level of salinity that comes with the sea.  Saltmarshes are also tidal and will often be covered by the encroaching waves during high tide.

  • These are rich ecosystems, full of diverse life.

  • They are also dangerous places to traverse, full of liquifacted mud and prone to sudden sea inundation.

4

Tidal Flats:

  • Muddy or sandy expenses that are exposed when the tide recedes.   They can extend out for many kilometres.

  • Optimistic animals feed here at low tide.

  • These are dangerous to traverse as the tide can suddenly close in.  In addition, the ground is often liquifacted meaning one can be sucked into the ground with little hope of rescue.

5

Grasslands:

  • Open grasslands that provide plenty of open space for larger fauna to roam.  These areas can be broken up into forests or shrubland.

  • Expect larger animals here.


Fluvial:

  • A river is found here.  This will support a significant ecosystem along its banks.

  • Rivers a made from numerous tributaries (smaller waterways) that feed into them.

  • At higher elevations, rivers run faster.  At low elevations, the river meanders slowly until it reaches the sea.

  • Settlements are usually built alongside the riverbanks.


Lacustrine:

  • A freshwater lake of considerable size is found here.  It supports a large population of freshwater creatures as well as a surrounding ecosystem.

  • Settlements are often built near lake shores.

6

Forests:

  • Forests are rich ecosystems that can support large amounts of fauna.  The nature of the forest will also change according to the environment.

  • Rainforests are tropical forests thick with life.  Rainforests also exist in temperate climates.

  • Cloudforests are rainforests found at higher altitudes, they are often hazy with mist.

  • Pine and evergreen forests are found in colder regions where trees maintain their leaves all year round.

  • Deciduous forests exist in temperate climates where the temperatures shift throughout the year.

7

Dunes and Palms:

  • The typical environment you would expect to see on a tropical island.

  • Dunes with tall and hardy grasses are the first stages of life colonising that area and making it a more stable part of the coast.

  • These are delicate ecosystems but will have plenty of resources to exploit.  Like coconuts, mmmmmmm coconuts.

8

Mangrove Swamps:

  • Mangroves are thin and spindly trees that grow thickly by the shores.  Wherever they grow thick, muddy sediment is deposited.

  • Mangrove swamps are often extensive, difficult to navigate through and full of life.

  • They also smell a bit funky.

9

Feylands:

  • The lands here are touched by the fey.  It will be hard to tell what is merely a plant here and what is a sentient being.  The forests will shift, and the land will trick you.

  • It is home to many powerful and mischievous and often amoral fey creatures.

  • Any traveller should be wary wandering here, for if the land wills it, you may never leave.

10

Arcane:

  • The land here is shaped by magic.  It is obvious for all to see.

  • If one were to step foot on this island they would be at risk of whatever magics hold sway here..

  • Such an island is an unpredictable place.  Beware traveller.

Inhabitants

There is an 80% chance the island is uninhabited.

1

Degenerate Survivors: 

  • The people that inhabit this island were once right-minded and decent folk, but through generations of blasphemy, barbarism and unspeakable crimes they have been consumed by corruption.

  • Their souls and bodies are stained by evil.  Their bodies are parodies of what once was a wholesome form.

  • They may be the degenerate survivors of ancient people or the descendants of those shipwrecked generations ago.

  • Expect aggression.


Shipwrecked Survivors:

  • A ship was wrecked beyond the point of repair either on shore or just off the island’s coast.  The survivors of this wreck now call this island home.

  • The type of ship will determine the demeanour of the survivors.  Needless to say, they will be desperate and try to escape this island by any means.

  • However if rescued rewards may be had, and important folk amongst their number may bring them influence.

  • They may be well-armed.

2

Tribe:

  • A tribe calls this island home.  Their technological level will be limited (perhaps the bronze age at the most).

  • Their demeanour will depend on previous interactions with other groups.

  • They may have access to greater technology through trade.

  • This tribe will be limited to fishing and subsistence agriculture.

3

Cannibals:

  • Cannibals are extremely thrilled to have foreign visitors visit their shores.

  • Cannibals may be tribal people who dabble in this taboo, shipwreck survivors who were driven mad with hunger, or maybe even just corrupted and ravenous raiders.

  • Cannibals often lack subtlety.  But some may be cunning.

  • They may serve a higher being or entity.

4

Cult:

  • Small isolated islands are a great place to set up a home for your weird cult.

  • Chances are the cult is dangerous and deranged.

  • They will likely be engaged in some form of ritual sacrifice.  

  • They may inhabit the ruins of a lost civilisation, there may be other things within the ruins.  Things they worship.

5

Smugglers:

  • Smugglers will often operate out of hiding coves or tidal cave systems.  

  • Their presence may be temporary as their business may only bring them here intermittently.

  • Likely, they will not be thrilled if strangers stumble across the base of their operations.

6

Pirates:

  • A hidden pirate base is found on this island.  Much like a smuggler cove, it will be hidden away from the warships of the powerful nations of the world.

  • There will be vast hauls of loot to be found here.

  • The pirates will more than likely be hostile to any interlopers.

7

Farm/Plantation:

  • One or more farms/plantations exist on this island.  They grow and process local resources for tremendous profit.

  • The workers on these ventures may or may not be slaves depending on whom owns the land.

  • It is more than likely there will be a small settlement associated with these farms.  Either that or a small port.

8

Settlement (Colonia)l:

  • A settlement has been built here by those foreign to these shores.  It will sport architecture and landmarks familiar to those of the home continent.

  • The settlement will likely be on the shore, have access to fresh water and be positioned here for important economic or strategic reasons.

9

Settlement (Tribal):

  • Local tribes have encamped here to create a large formal settlement.  

  • It will lack the technology of colonial powers but will still have access to craftspeople of some skill.

  • They will likely produce some good of value that they will trade with outsiders.

  • There may be a small colonial presence here.

10

Eldritch Abmoninatons:

  • Something Awful dwells here.  Something best left forgotten.

  • If people choose to explore the depths of this island and the ruins, they may disturb the thing or things that stalk the land.

11

Fey Court:

  • The forests here are thick with fey magic.

  • Capricious beings rule over these lands.

12

Undead:

  • Necromancers are wack yo.

13

Penal Colony:

  • Horrible criminals live here!  Have been abandoned here and left to fend for themselves.

  • Helping these people could be a risk, as their inventions could be unclear.  Plus they will do ANYTHING to escape.

  • They may also be political prisoners.  Sent out of here to die in quiet lost parts of the world.

14

Temple/Monastery/Site of Worship

  • Nuns, monks or even druids can be found here.  They will generally be kind (at least on the surface).

  • They may or may not be secretly really evil. They could just be really nice.

  • This is a place of reflection, relaxation and rest.

15

Magic User’s Workshop

  • This could be a wizard’s tower, An alchemist's laboratory, or a druid’s grove.  Or anything your brain can imagine.

  • Chances are this place is well hidden, or fortified (maybe both).

  • It will contain significant loot, traps and guardians.

  • It is also likely the owner of this place has quests to give.

Natural Resources

There is a 40% chance that the island will have valuable natural resources.  There is a 10% chance that these are actively being exploited.

1

Fish or Shellfish:

  • There is a 10% chance that one of these commodities is considered highly valuable.  This could be for several reasons:

    • The resource is rare.

    • It is dangerous to extract.

    • It requires processing, which is labour-intensive and requires skilled workers.

    • There is extreme demand for the resource.

2

Rare Fruits:

  • Delicious and full of vitamin C, this stops sailors from dying of scurvy.

3

Exotic Animals:

  • The animal itself is valuable:

    • It is easily tamable and makes a good pet.

    • A prestige creature for rich collectors to keep in captivity.

    • The animal itself has unique properties (possibly even arcane).

4

Ivory/Animal Trophy:

  • One or more species of animal on the island is a desirable target for hunters or industry due to the resources that can be collected from its corpse.

  • There is a 10% chance that one of these commodities is considered highly valuable.  This could be for several reasons:

    • The resource is rare.

    • It is dangerous to extract.

    • It requires processing, which is labour-intensive and requires skilled workers.

    • There is extreme demand for the resource.

5

Ores:

  • The island has rich veins of metal ores.  These can be processed either locally or by other settlements nearby.

  • Mining is dangerous and both the process of mining and processing will produce large slag heaps.  These are usually toxic and an eyesore.

  • However, it means that this island can support a metal works industry so a settlement of some kind will likely be found here too.

6

Gems and Pure Metals:

  • Diamond. Emeralds, sapphires, gold and silver.

  • These can be extracted from the ground here through panning or via strip mining.

  • Likily it means the island will attract many workers in a wild “gold rush”.

7

Wood/Timber:

  • The forests here are exploited for the quality of their timber.  Sawmills can be found nearby to process the wood.

  • There is a 10% chance that one of these commodities is considered highly valuable.  This could be for several reasons:

    • The resource is rare.

    • It is dangerous to extract.

    • It requires processing, which is labour-intensive and requires skilled workers.

    • There is extreme demand for the resource.

8

Relics and Artefacts:

  • Local ruins or wrecks nearby offshore present a massive opportunity for those willing to take the risks of entering these areas to plunder their depths.

  • These places are of course VERY dangerous to the unprepared.

  • Markets exist for commissions by rich patrons to extract rare items from these places.

9

Reagents:

  • Rare alchemical reagents are found on this island.  These could include rare minerals such as sulphur and quicksilver.

  • These could also be rare medicinal herbs.

  • There is a 50% chance that one of these commodities is considered highly valuable.  This could be for several reasons:

    • The resource is rare.

    • It is dangerous to extract.

    • It requires processing, which is labour-intensive and requires skilled workers.

    • There is extreme demand for the resource.

10

Arcane Materials:

  • Arcane power flows through this land.  It has manifested in places to produce extremely valuable deposits which can be exploited by enterprising magicians or engineers.

  • There is an 80% chance that one of these commodities is considered highly valuable.  This could be for several reasons:

    • The resource is rare.

    • It is dangerous to extract.

    • It requires processing, which is labour-intensive and requires skilled workers.

    • There is extreme demand for the resource.


Landmarks

There is a 30% chance of a notable landmark being found on this island.

1

Colonial Ruins:

  • The ruins of a colonial town are found here.

  • It is unclear why this town was abandoned.  It may have been violent and sudden.

2

Ancient Ruins:

  • Ruins of a long-past civilisation are found here.  Unspeakable things have likely nested here.  

  • There may be an opportunity for treasure here.

3

Obelisk:

  • A large standing stone(s) is found here.  It is clear this was erected by intelligent actors and it shows signs of tool marks.

  • Its purpose is not initially clear.

4

Shrine To The Gods:

  • A shrine to one or more gods is found here.

  • Depending on the nature of the worshipers, this shrine may be proudly displayed along the shore for all travellers to see, or it may be hidden away so worshipers can practice blasphemous rights over it.

5

Mine/Quarry:

  • This place may be abandoned.  Either through hostile actions of entities within the area or that simply may have extracted all of value.

  • Either way, the empty area may hold valuable resources still.

6

Shipwreck:

  • A shipwreck (or many) lay on the coast.  It is ripe for plunder.

  • The question begs however why is this ship (or ships) here?  And where is its crew?

7

Cache:

  • A small store of goods, contraband or treasure is hidden here.  

  • You will need a treasure map to find it.

  • It is also possible that the owners will be around or come looking for it.

8

Cave System:

  • Some places have extensive caves.  Many of these may be utterly submerged.

  • Monsters may live here, or even worse.

  • There may well be treasure here.

9

Giant Tree:

  • On this island, a tree stands above all others.  It bursts from the canopy and dwarfs them.

  • It may well be under the influence of fey magic.  It may have strange fruits.  It may even be sentient.

10

Sink Hole:

  • A sinkhole of considerable size is found on this island.  It is full of seawater suggesting it is linked to passages to the sea somehow.

  • There may be treasure at its base.  Who knows.

11

Volcanic Activity:

  • There is a current or now dormant volcano in this region.

  • Even in dormancy, the magma chamber is hot enough to drive volcanic events in the region.

  • This could be hot springs. Thermal vents or sulfur pipes.

12

Ghost Ship:

  • Just offshore a ship is anchored.  

  • There are no signs of life aboard and indeed anyone going aboard will notice that it is entirely empty.

  • It is pristine inside, with no signs of struggle or panic.  It is simply empty of crew or life.

  • An unsettling mystery.

13

Grave Island:

  • The island is a graveyard.  It may or may not be well maintained.  There are 100s if not 1000s of graves on here.

  • There may be a mausoleum.

  • There may be treasure buried here.  There may be undead to protect the graves too.

14

Gateway to Elsewhere:

  • It is not necessarily clear how to work this gateway.  Or what even lies beyond.

15

Monster Lair:

  • It may, or may not have a creature inside it.

  • It will not like company.

  • There may well be treasure within.

16

Magical Aura:

  • A magical field fills this area.   Those who enter within it will immediately be affected by the field’s power.

  • This may be beneficial, but it may be malign.

  • The source of the field may link to an ancient ritual site, a hidden object or even a magic user working in the area.

  • It is likely that treasure could also be near.

17

Sealed Vault:

  • A puzzle prevents entry into this ancient vault.  

  • To gain entrance, a key may be required, or a special keyword.

  • These must be found to gain entry to this mysterious place.

18

Remains of a Beached Sea Creature:

  • Something the size of a whale (or larger), has washed up on the coast of the island.

  • Its body may well be harvested for resources.  Its entire nature is a mystery.

  • It may not be dead, there may be things feeding upon it that do not appreciate company.

19

A Charnel Pit:

  • A great pit of bones can be found here.  The bones belong to sapient species of the world alongside animal bones.

  • Who did this and why it exists is unknown.

20

Kaiju:

  • You see something huge.  So vast it would tower over the tallest buildings in a city.

  • It is unknown if this being is benign or malign.

  • For the moment it hasn’t seen you.  This is probably for the best.

Below is the map I used this generator on.  It is a physical artefact that I have given the party allowing them to navigate the world.  Please enjoy.


Much Love

The Civil Tea-Set




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